For those who haven't seen it, let me just give you some basic background. Caleb is a firefighter who is in a struggling marriage. He doesn't respect his wife, and she doesn't respect him. He has an addiction to pornography. They are on the verge of divorce. Caleb's father asks him if he wants to save his marriage, and sends him "The Love Dare", which is a 40 day devotional that is supposed to help save the marriage. Caleb begrudgingly starts "The Love Dare", but is transformed through the process. However, I'll spare more details for those who want to see the movie.
There's a powerful scene in the movie. Early into the love dare (~3 days in), Katherine (Caleb's wife) is confused by his sudden change of behavior. Talking to some of her co-workers, Katherine is convinced that Caleb is up to no good, that he's trying to manipulate her for the divorce proceedings. Coming home, Caleb is sitting at the computer (implicitly viewing pornography) and he quickly turns the computer off when she comes in. She asks, "Did you clear your history...so nobody would see where you've been?". A fight ensues, Katherine confronting him about his motives. In the fight, Caleb cries out "You never think I would do anything worthy of respect! Anything honorable!"
While the heart of the fight was intended to convey how our actions in private define what we hold true, I think there's a very deep wisdom buried within Caleb's cry. When it comes to reconciliation, it is very easy for us to remember the past. We are prone not to believe that people can change.
The bible commands us:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)How quick we are to condemn our brother when they have wronged us! How quick we place motives upon them instead of determining the true motives behind their deeds!
Reconciliation is a difficult road to travel. We expose ourselves to further hurt, further wrong is the person isn't truly repentant. However, God exhorts us to seek to see the good in one another (how much more so if the person is a professing Christian). How might Katherine and Caleb's marriage been transformed if instead of condemning him for supposedly trying to manipulate her, looked upon his change as an opportunity to grant forgiveness and grow as a couple in Christ? While I don't recommend naivety and blind faith (for this can be used to our detriment by the unrepentant), I do encourage looking to the good in others. Consider the transforming power of Christ, and seek to explore the good work he has started in others, and the power of His Spirit to transform and sanctify those who seek Him.
God bless.
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