Reconciled to Christ

What does it mean to be "Holy"?

2011-10-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

Today I was listening to an old sermon from a favored pastor of mine. The man was phenomenal at preaching, he had quite the nack for it. I still enjoy listening to his sermons. There is so much depth and truth in them. I get a little something more each time I hear them.

The topic of discussion was 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, and what it means to walk in Holiness before the Lord.

It got me thinking...when you think of the Bible, who do you think of the genuine men of faith? Were they really as holy and saintly as they're portrayed? A survey of the patriarchs and heros of the bible exhibit the following:

Adam - Rejected God's commands. (Gen. 3)
Noah - Got drunk, the result of which was the curse of Ham (canaanites) (Gen. 9:21)
Abram/Abraham - Lied to Pharoh (Gen. 12:18) Lost faith in God's promises, leading to birth of Ishmael (Gen. 16).
Jacob/Israel - Conned his brother for birthright (Gen. 25:29-34). Conned his father for blessing (Gen. 27) Practiced Polygamy (Gen. 29) Wrestled with God (didn't believe in God's blessing) (Gen. 32).
The 12 Tribes (sons of Israel) - Tried to kill their brother, then sold their brother in to slavery (Gen. 37) Judah had relations with his daughter-in-law. (Gen. 38:24-26)
Moses - Committed murder (Exodus 2: 12) Disobeyed God's word (striking the rock, Numbers 20:10-13)
Aaron - Created the golden calf (Exodus 32) Spoke against God's servant (Numbers 12)
Sampson - Repeatedly violated his Nazarite Vows (Judges 13-16) cf. Numbers 6.
David - Committed Adultery (possibly rape) (2 Samuel 11-12) Violated God's command not to conduct a census of his troops (2 Samuel 24)
Solomon - Turned from the LORD in his later days - including polygomy & idol worship (2 Kings 11)
Jonah - Rejected the Lord's commands & his book ends with Johan sulking over his calling (Jonah)
The 12 Apostles - Repeatedly fail to show trust in Christ Jesus. Peter is often rebuked for his lack of faith. Judas even betrays Christ. (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John)

Clearly these men are far from the pristine saints we make them out to be. What, then, should we take away from them? The fact is, they were all men of faith. Despite their failings, every one of them displayed a deep trust in the LORD's promises. Sure, there were slips here and there, but generally they'd repent and seek forgiveness. The understood the blessings to come, and could wait patiently on the LORD to fulfill his promises. Even when they were unfaithful, they still displayed a faith that was in God and God alone.

So when we're called to be "Holy", it doesn't mean we won't stumble. It doesn't mean we won't have faults. What it means is that we trust on the LORD to carry us through, to forgive us if we seek it, and to continue to sanctify us in the image of His Son. So being Holy isn't about being perfect. It's about trusting that God is perfect.

On Relationships and Christian Love

2011-09-19T12:43:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been pondering the issue of relational boundaries. For instance, when is it appropriate to use sarcasm with someone but not another? If I jokingly tease my close friend that a particular dress makes them look like a rotting beached bloated whale, why is that appropriate but not to, well, let's say a girl I'm trying to date? In reality, the actual situations I deal with a far more subtle than that, but the same basic principles apply.

Recently I read an editorial written in to the paper of my Alma Mater. The author was addressing the point that Christianity is one of the most hateful religions around. "Really?" I thought, thinking how Christianity is full of charity and compassion. Yet as I read more of the letter, the author did have a point. For instance, if a homosexual walks into your church, do you point out the fact that God dislikes homosexuals (Lev. 20:13)? Or do you accept them and make no mention of such fact to show them compassion and acceptance (John 8:11a)? I think too often, at least in conservative Christian circles, our tendancy is to "hate the sin, but love the sinner", which we interpret to mean we must condemn their actions outright, up front, in order to speak "thruth" into their lives. After all, we are commanded to speak such truth (Eph. 4:25).

A while back, I was struggling with a personal relationship. I was often told by other Christians in the church that I was living in idolotry of this person, that I was addicted to them, etc. They said that the words they spoke were given "in love", as they wanted me to walk a pure path. "Sometimes love hurts", and other trite phrases were given as justification of saying the hurtful things. They sincerely believed they were speaking the truth, and that speaking such things was in my best interest and therefore the loving thing to do. Little did they know just how low, isolated and unloved it really made me feel. It only made me more resolute in my feelings about the relationship and confirmed in my mind that "wisdom" is not always to be trusted.

Yet as I think about the complexity of relationship, I've come to see that there are shades upon shades of grey. I can not expect to deliver the same truth to a fellow and close friend who's been going to church for 20 years as I can to a stranger, new believer who has the most checkered of pasts. For one, delivering the truth requires relationship. I need to have a deep, connected relationship with the person. If I don't, then little of what I say will mean anything to them. They'll simply believe I don't understand them and write me off.

Too often as evangelicals, or conservative christians, we feel we must spread the word. But we never really consider how to do this. We stand on street corners, write opinionated articles, even run for political office. Yet we never consider how we are percieved, often because we just assume the world will hate the truth and will reject it outright (James 5:19, Rom 1:18).

So how do you maintain doctrinal purity and preach on lessons without condemning people outright for their sins? Afterall, we don't want to be puritanical, shunning people from fellowship because of some sin in their life.

I honestly believe the answer is to be more quiet. It's one thing for a pastor to get up and preach on a sermon topic. But that topic shouldn't be singled out just to make someone uncomfortable. Nor should it be given to pass an agenda (e.g. a congregation that needs to "pray more"). Because while the pastor has a relationship with his congregation, it is not personal enough to speak that level of truth. It's one thing to say "as Christians prayer is good and appropriate". It's another to deliver that message week after week, pushing for more and more prayer because you don't think the congregation prays enough. Meanwhile, for the common congregant, we need to focus less on others, and more on ourselves.

For instance, who cares about homosexuality in the community? Are you going to personally change the world? Focus rather on developing a genuine relationship with the person. Visit their home, share meals, play games. Don't bring up the issue of lifestyles. The fact is, you don't have the relational closeness to permit that (it would be akin to camping out in someone's bedroom). If the person's personal space (e.g. home) is uncomfortable to you, find ways to have relationship outside of that environment (like a coffee shop). If questioned why you're avoiding certain situations, simply say you personally don't agree with that lifestyle and politely change subjects. But don't go looking for ways to assert your views. Nine times out of 10, it will probably never come up in polite conversation. Eventually, that person will question why you're never coming over to their place anymore, and will ask questions. Simple, short, polite responses are all that's needed. A simple "I'd like to, but I don't agree with homosexuality and the decore makes me uncomfortable" is all that's needed. You're not personalizing it to them (no use of "you/your") and you're not condemning them outright ("I'd like to...makes me uncomfortable"). You're indicating you're willing to continue in relationship, but on limited terms. If pressed, a polite change of subject can deflect a potential fight. If the person really desires a relationship, then they will seek to understand why you're uncomfortable. If they don't desire relationship, they'll respect you for not condemning their views while politely and respectfully asserting yours.

Even if a person comes to you, and specifically asks for your advice, you must weigh just how real the relationship is to know what advice to give. In my personal case, although I was giving my Christian friends free reign to come in and advise the situation, it was more an invitation to come and get to know me. Instead, they judged the conversation at face value, feelings were hurt, and I was as lost as ever. If however, they had taken the time to get to know me, they might have been able to speak a more loving truth to me by guiding me in how to develop more real, wholesome relationships with others. In otherwords, think carefully about what the issue really is...we often conceal our true motives and intentions for fear of being ridiculed or mocked. We may be testing the waters...seeing whether the person really wants to love us or pontificate their beliefs over us.

So the next time you see your neighbor in an adulterous relationship, rather than saying "Thou Shalt Not...", invite them over. Get to know them. Maybe you'll find out they grew up in a home that didn't know how to express love to one another. Maybe you'll see someone who's hurting very deeply. And maybe, when it's your turn to be the one hurting, you'll find a friend who knows you well enough to guide you and love you despite your failings.

Women in the Church

2011-02-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

As I was listening to the radio this morning, the standard women's broadcast was playing. Usually there's a bunch of these on during the day, looking at how women can be more Godly and how to raise good, happy, faithful families. In particular, this particular program was discussing Naomi (book of Ruth). The speaker was commending her for her faith and dedication in her "winter" period.

I'd always seen Naomi as something of a problem child in the Bible. She was a bit of a complainer, asking to be called Mara (meaning bitter) because God had made her bitter. It was even revealed that her situation in life was the result of her disobedience (living in Edom).

But as this speaker continued, praising Naomi for her faith, it got me thinking. How often in the Bible do we look to men such as David, Solomon, Joseph, Jacob and the like? Often times these men are as, if not more, disobedient and unfaithful as the women around them. Yet we celebrate them as heroes of the faith. So what about the women? Why, if men are to lead in the church (1 Timothy 2:12-14), are there so many stories about women in the Bible?

This led me to ponder Psalm 88. Perhaps the only Psalm that doesn't end with some token of a hopeful tone, this lament was obviously put in the Bible for a reason, and I believe that reason was to show us that it's OK to question God sometimes. The writer of the psalm begs God to answer him, to give him relief. Yet in petitioning God, he is doing so from faith realizing God is sovereign and ultimately desires good. God wanted to show us that it's OK to let the raw feelings out sometimes...that it's OK to ask "why". Habakkuk is another example of this.

It was then that I realized that the same holds true for women in the Bible. These are rarely stories of misfits and miscreants. There are numerous stories of strong women (Deborah, Ruth, Esther). Even in a lesser degree, there's the faithful women (Sarah, Hannah, the Widow of Zarephath) who are given blessings by God, and their faith is shown in their patience to God's will. Granted, like their male counterparts, they're not always perfectly obedient (e.g. Sarah), but they are patient none-the-less. Why would God include these in his word? Was it just to disciple to the women? Or can the men learn lessons from these stories as well?

Perhaps the most powerful lesson I read is that of patience. Often times these women are barren in their early years, begging God for children. This is something that is lost on us today, as the family structure has somewhat broken down more than in ancient days. Yet these women remain faithful. The Bible tells us the LORD "remembered" them...a somewhat confusing phrase to us today. Yet it's not that the LORD ever forgot them, it's just that he's waited until that moment to give them what he had promised (or desired) for them. Take the case of Leah, who often named her children in a manner that reflected the LORD's blessing on her. She was the proverbial unwanted wife...yet God "remembered" her and blessed her with many children. Likewise was Hannah "remembered" when she gave birth to Samuel.

Too often in the reformed faith we tend to focus on the roles in the church, demanding that women adhere to the roles God assigned (e.g. submission to her husband and in the church). While this is important to remember, I think too often we overlook the amazing stories and struggles women have faced in the Bible. They once again become the "forgotten", and it will only be a matter of time before the LORD "remembers" them again. As Paul said, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:28)

Afterall - if God could bless Sarah well beyond her child bearing years (~90 years old), when He could have just as easily blessed Abraham by a younger woman, what does this tell us about the power of God and the gifts from patience? How much else are we missing out by neglecting the other half of the species?

Open for Debate - What is "Sound Doctrine"

2011-02-18T06:01:00.000-08:00

I was listening to the radio this morning, and the discussion was on Evangelical Christians, and the need to change to the culture. The idea that the ways youth were brought into the church years ago is now considered offensive to our culture, and new methods to attract youth need to be employed. Also, youth feel disconnected from the older generation, such that they are left floundering without good mentor-ship.

Something that's been on my mind the past couple of days, weeks, months is the idea of "sound doctrine". What is it, and how much must we strictly adhere to it.

In his pastoral letter to Timothy, Paul writes:

I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. (2 Timothy 4:1-5 ESV)

And to Titus:

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. (Titus 2:1 ESV)

Yet earlier in Romans, Paul tells us:

As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. (Romans 14:1-4 ESV)

So this raises the question in my mind...what is sound doctrine? At what point do we cross the line from minor disagreements, over say the method and mode of baptism which isn't specified explicitly in the scripture, to heretical practices that remove the intent and purpose from God's prescribed mode of worship.

Do not forget, Nadab and Abihu were killed by God for offering profane fire before his altar.

Now Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer and put fire in it and laid incense on it and offered unauthorized fire before the LORD, which he had not commanded them. And fire came out from before the LORD and consumed them, and they died before the LORD. Then Moses said to Aaron, “This is what the LORD has said, ‘Among those who are near me I will be sanctified, and before all the people I will be glorified.’” And Aaron held his peace.
(Leviticus 10:1-3 ESV)

At what point do we say twist the meaning of baptism into something that it is not? Does this not violate the teaching of sound doctrine? Are we not meant to correct and rebuke this teaching? How much do we let our "weaker" brother (realizing in humility of course that we may be that weaker brother) to walk in his ways without correction?

What about other issues of dissension? What about the role of women in the church? What about the frequency of the LORD's Supper? What about the order of worship? Do we necessarily need to change these to entice a generation to come to the pews, or do we hold fast, knowing that what we preach is sound doctrine and trust that God will keep his remnant in the pews?

The Greatest Saint?

2010-03-10T09:13:00.001-08:00

Today I was listening to a radio sermon, and was struck by a bit of truth.

Throughout his ministry, Jesus had many followers who saw his glorious works. We know there were the 12 apostles, many disciples, and those he healed, along with the Jews and Pharasees.

After this resurrection, there have been countless converts to Christianity. All these converts have "seen" the resurrection and salvation Christ offers.

Yet there is one convert who stands out above all the rest. Perhaps this is why he should be considered the greatest Saint. It was the thief on the cross. He saw neither the miracles of Christ's ministry, nor his powerful victory over death. At first he mocks Jesus, joining the crowd in deriding him. However, at some point we learn that he asks Christ for Forgiveness. He recognizes the salvation Christ has to offer. What is truly unique about this, is that Christ was in the EXACT SAME CIRCUMSTANCE as this thief...unable to do anything or demonstrate his power and miracles. This thief put his full faith into Christ at a point when Christ was at his ABSOLUTE weakest and had the least power to do anything!

Think about that...even at his absolute weakest...Christ still had the power to capture hearts and transform lives...wow. Maybe THAT is the greatest lesson of this Saint.

Suffering

2010-03-08T06:36:00.000-08:00

I started reading "Inside Out" by Larry Crabb. As I was reading the introduction, I was struck by how the author was suggesting that the answer to suffering is not "get more Christ" or "Know that my grace is sufficient for you"...but rather to look at the suffering for what it is, painful.

The experience of groaning is precisely what modern Christianity so often helps us try to escape...In those moments, retreat into denial does not seem cowardly, it seems necessary and smart. Just keep going, get your act together, stop feeling sorry for yourself, renew your commitment to trust God, get more serious about obedience. Things really aren't as bad as you sense they are. You've simply lost your perspective and must regain it through more time in the Word and increased moral effort.

Perhaps it is our nature to want to avoid suffering at all costs. But as I go through these trials of life, as I struggle to make it day by day, as the pain forces me to ponder what I believe and why, I've found that the answer is not to deny the suffering, but rather to embrace it.

Now that's not to say that we should be martyrs, crying out "Oh woe is me!", but neither should we try to ignore the pain, or pretend it doesn't exist. To often in my struggles I've turned to Christians who suggest that either I do not put enough faith in God (because after all, His grace is sufficient, right?) or that my suffering is the result of my not letting go of a problem (turn it over to God, quit beating yourself up, etc.) Job had that very experience with his friends, who suggested that his suffering was the result of a hidden sin he needed to confess. Instead, we learned that God was simply using the trails to demonstrate Job's faithfulness to Satan (and since it's now recorded, to us as well).

And what of Job's suffering? Most of the book is the debate amongst the friends. Job did not pretend his suffering didn't exist. He did not try to find "more God". After all, he proclaims that his suffering is the direct result of God, not for malicious reasons, but for reasons unknown to him. Rather he just wanted to know why. A pretty human, if not flawed, response. And perhaps in knowing why, we seek not to justify, but to endure patiently. If I'm torn between A & B, and I have no idea which direction to wait, knowing which one is to come will help me wait more patiently. It does not diminish my faith or trust in the LORD, but rather strengthens it, and comforts me as I patiently endure heartache.

Yet often we don't know whether it's A or B. Sometimes the situation seems hopeless, yet something deep inside us carries on hope. We long for B, when reality suggests A is the only outcome. Do we then give up on B? By no means! For that very struggle, that very conflict is what leads to joy and hope! The only time God has told someone to stop praying for something, it was by special divine revelation. Most of the time, God never answers us that way. In fact, we are commended by the LORD himself to continue to pray (parable of the persistent widow). Granted, we may never get B. Yet there is a hope and a trust there in the sovereignty of God, of his power to overcome the forgone conclusion of A and make B a reality. So when we suffer, when we struggle the answer is not to say "give up on B and rest in A, because God's grace is sufficient", but rather to encourage one another, point out that because we still pray for B, that we recognize that God is sovereign, that God can work it out, and that we are demonstrating faith rather than opposing it.

After all, in Job's pleas, he recognized that his fate was in the hands of God. And in many ways, that's all God wants us to realize.

Thoughts on Reconciliation: Part XV - Lessons from James

2010-01-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

Today I had many thoughts on reconciliation, more than I can put in to a single blog entry. So there are definitely more in the works. Stay tuned in the coming weeks.

Meanwhile, I want to look today at the book of James in the Bible, and how it teaches us somethings about reconciliation. While not specifically addressing reconciliation, there are some hidden tenets of truth that may be gleaned from it and which I believe, at least, apply.

The first lesson from James is found it the topic of trials. James tells us:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing...Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:2-4,12)

Here, James reminds us that the faithful will meet various trials during their walk. This can take many forms, but I believe one way is in the people we meet. Now, granted it is true that we should be discerning about who we associate with. Proverbs reminds us:

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Prov. 13:20)
Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, (Prov. 22:24)
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (Prov. 27:17)

Yet the LORD also tells us in His word that he rises up those for adversity (often as a means of rebuke and correction for us).

He delivers the afflicted by their affliction and opens their ear by adversity. (Job 36:15)
In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. (Ecclesiastes 7:14)
And the Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods. But he did not keep what the Lord commanded...And the Lord raised up an adversary against Solomon, Hadad the Edomite. He was of the royal house in Edom...God also raised up as an adversary to him, Rezon the son of Eliada, who had fled from his master Hadadezer king of Zobah. (1 Kings 11:9-10, 14, 23)

So it is certainly possible that if God desires to test our faith (here meaning to refine it, not put it to a pass/fail test), then he may well do it by raising up adversaries among our friends. For how we treat one another is a mark of the love that is within us. So if we do not heed the LORD's counsel, and take upon ourselves unworthy friends, then it is not our place then to immediately cast them off, since they were brought into our lives by His sovereign will. Rather then, we should count it as a trail to our faith, and seek the LORD's guidance in how to best handle this undesirable person. If the friendship is meant to be, let the LORD judge and let the LORD turn their heart. However, if the friendship is not meant to be, we do not cast them off immediately but rather turn to the LORD to see if he will disolve the pact in an honorable and fitting way.

The second lesson from James comes in the standard of Works. James goes through a lengthy argument about the mark of a Christian is in their works.

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. (James 2:14-17)

James is reminding us that simply saying/professing something doesn't necessarily make it so. We have to live it out. When it comes to reconciliation, simply saying you forgive someone does not make it so. If you say you forgive someone, but then close your heart off to them and refuse to associate with them, then you really have not demonstrated the works of forgiveness. Forgiveness is an important part of reconciliation and spiritual healing. If we neglect this to our adversaries, then we prevent them from having the chance to fully heal (and fully heal ourselves) and become fully repentant.

Next, James discusses the right use of the tongue. He reminds us that from the tongue flows the heart, and cautions us to be careful in what we say.

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell...With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so...Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law.(James 3:5b-6, 9-10; 4:11a)

This lesson applies to both parties in the reconciliation. It reminds us that we must be careful in what we say, and to consider the impact of our words. What we may think of as harmless can build up and cause great devastation. It is easy as our feelings get hurt, as tempers flare, to say hurtful or hasty things. James reminds us that this can cause great havoc, which can make the reconciliation process all the more difficult. Thus, BOTH parties need to heed this caution!

Next James reminds us that worldy living is ungodly living. He cautions us from following in the ways of the world. It's these passions that cause fights among us.

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask...Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?...Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.(James 4:1-2, 4b, 7)

So we are at conflict with worldly wisdom. James shows us the danger of worldly wisdom, as well:

This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. (James 3:15-17)

When it comes to reconciliation, there is much worldly wisdom in how to handle conflict. Common wordly wisdom says that we should be happy, that we should seek self first. That which opposes our happiness is to be dismissed, cast off, forgotten. Yet this is not the wisdom of the LORD. The LORD reminds us that we are to seek others, give mercy and forgiveness, as we were shown mercy and forgiveness (See Part XIV).

Finally, when it comes to the difficult situations, when it comes to the strain of a broken or sick friendship, when reconciliation needs to occur, we are to turn to the LORD in prayer:

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit. (James 5:13-18)

We are reminded to be steadfast in our prayers. Just as Elijah was, who prayed 7 times that it might rain, yet his prayer was heard and bore fruit. If we are the party who was wronged, then we must pray for the one who wronged us, that the LORD would convict the heart of the guilty party and cause them to come to repentance. Likewise, if we are the guilty party, we should pray that the one we've wronged might find mercy and grant us forgiveness. When it comes to reconciliation, it is the LORD's work. We are simply to make ourselves available to it. If we open our hearts to it, to seek it out, the LORD is faithful to grant it.

So I admit that James doesn't directly deal with reconciliation, but I hope that you can see some of the awesome magnitude of the Bible in this entry. The Bible is a wonderous gift from God, like an onion with many, many layers. Even in a book of unrelated import, we can still glean truth and guidance from it. This is how we know whether someone teaches false doctrine...is what they say supported by other scripture? I hope to show what I say is true, because it's not just shown in the scripture I pick and choose, but the lessons extend and are merged with far more scripture than just the handful of "convienent verses" that specifically mention my topic. But then, I am just a voice...what do you all think?

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part XIV: Hosea & the Prostitute

2010-01-17T21:11:00.001-08:00

Today my heart was led to consider the book of Hosea, and in particular the opening chapters dealing with his marriage to Gomer.

The book of Hosea opens with the LORD telling Hosea to do something, namely to marry. However, what is most striking is who God tells him to marry...

When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.” So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. (Hosea 1:2-3)

It certainly seems inconceivable that the LORD, who is pure and holy, would direct one of his prophets to do something as abominable as marrying a prostitute. Yet that is precisely what God did. And He did it for an amazing reason. God wanted to show His people just how merciful and forgiving he was. However, first he needed to demonstrate how much they had forsaken him.

Gomer bore Hosea 3 children. The first was likely Hosea's, but the second two, well, let's just say they looked a little more like the milk man, so to speak. God drove this point home by the names he directed Hosea to give them. The first was named Jezreel, meaning "to cast out". The second was called "L0-Ruhama", which means "No Mercy". The third child was named "Lo-Ammi", which means "Not my People". Needless to say, these are some pretty harsh names for his kids.

But God was comparing Israel, and it's sinful idolotry, to the sins of prostitution of Gomer. Her kids were named such as judgements upon Israel. God was effectively telling His people that they were banished from His good graces.

That's not the end of the story, however. God is called various names in the old testament. Usually, these names have something to do with His character. In the book of Exodus, God passes before Moses, proclaiming His name:

The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation. (Exodus 34:6b-7)

Here God is proclaiming that He is merciful, and through Hosea, He was about to show that to Israel. He commands Hosea to go back to his prostitute wife. Hosea had all this time cared for and looked after his wife from behind the scenes. As she decended deeper and deeper in to infidelity and prostitution, Hosea was behind the scenes providing for her when her lovers wouldn't. Finally, she had reached her limit, it was time for Hosea to take her back. She is put to shame, stripped in public. But Hosea turns to Gomer, and buys her for a cheap price (15 shekels and barley) and reminds her of his love for her.

She shall pursue her lovers
but not overtake them,
and she shall seek them
but shall not find them.
Then she shall say,
‘I will go and return to my first husband,
for it was better for me then than now.’
And she did not know
that it was I who gave her
the grain, the wine, and the oil,
and who lavished on her silver and gold,
which they used for Baal.
Therefore I will take back
my grain in its time,
and my wine in its season,
and I will take away my wool and my flax,
which were to cover her nakedness.
Now I will uncover her lewdness
in the sight of her lovers,
and no one shall rescue her out of my hand. (Hosea 2:7-10)

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her. (Hosea 2:14)

And the Lord said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.” So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley. And I said to her, “You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you.” (Hosea 3:1-3)

So Hosea took back his wife, and restored their marriage. And likewise, God after banishing Israel to the Babalonians and the Assyrians, took them back once they had turned from their infidelity and returned to Him.

But what does this have to do with reconciliation? What does this have to do with how I treat others around me?

When someone wrongs us, for whatever reason, it can feel as though they are betraying us, being unfaithful to us. Especially wicked is if the schism is due to a disagreement where we feel the other has willfully left us and doesn't even care for us anymore. Yet God desires reconciliation ALWAYS. Israel was His people. They had committed the worst of sins, to whore after other Gods. They attributed their good fortune to other things, even though it was God who provided. Yet God wanted them back. It would require rebuke, certainly, but not without cause. Once corrected (led back to the wilderness; Hosea 2:14), they would once again be God's people.

Likewise we should look upon our brothers and sisters in the same way. It's not easy when one you love spurns your affections (whatever those forms may be). Our pride is hurt. We feel betrayed and bitter and angry. But notice that God doesn't just forgive his people and look for a new people, nor does Hosea look for a new wife. Instead, Hosea returns to his unfaithful wife, just as God returns to Israel. There in lies the secret to reconciliation. It is not just saying "I forgive you" and then having nothing to do with the person anymore. It is returning to them. It is lovingly correcting them (and the "whore" as it were to be willing to accept correction). It is taking them back when they are wanting to come back. Not to judge them or condemn them, but to welcome them back with open arms to restore what once was.

Several times I've discussed the wonderful mercy and love that is God. The Apostle John reminds us of this in his 1st Epistle:

Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (1 John 2:9-11)

By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother. (1 John 3:10)

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:16-18)

Here John reminds us that to simply say we love our brother is not enough, we have to show it. Likewise, simply saying we forgive our brother is not enough, we must live it out in how we treat them. Hosea showed his love for his wife by providing for her when she was most unfaithful, and taking her back when she was destitute. Likewise, God shows his love for us by taking us back and cleansing us from unrighteousness when we are completely unfaithful to Him. He doesn't just say he changes us, he actually does it.

One of the ways in which we know God, and experience His mercy and forgiveness is to live it out to others. Because mercy and forgiveness are an overflow of the Spirit of God, an outpouring of his Love and goodness. We know who are children of God because of this overflow, for it will overflow from them. Just as Moses's face shone after his time on Mt. Sinai due to the reflected Glory of God, we too become a radiance of the mercy and forgiveness of God when we show it to others.

Hosea knew this of God, which is why he obeyed God to do such an unspeakable thing as marry a prostitute. Through his relationship with his wife, Hosea was able to demonstrate and live out the mercy and grace that came from God. Likewise, those who are truely of God will also live out that mercy and forgiveness by granting it to those around us, even when they seemingly least deserve it.

Thoughts on my Brother - Part I: Romans 14

2010-01-13T11:40:00.000-08:00

Recently I've been led to consider something of the nature of my brother's faith. The PCA is a denomination of "reformed" faith, meaning we believe we're returning to genuine biblical principles as started during the reformation. Because of this attitude, it's quite common for us to turn our noses down at those who are not "reformed". Because we're quick to point to the bible to support our point of view, we look upon anyone who doesn't agree with our opinion as living unbiblically.

Yet Paul, in his letter to the churches in Rome, cautions them against this manner of thinking.

As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written,

“As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God.”

So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. (Romans 14)

Now, before I'm rebuked for thinking haughtily of myself as the "stronger" faith, notice that Paul is rebuking both the strong AND the weak in his letter. The Bible, while inerrant and complete, does have some gray area to it. It doesn't explicitly dictate every aspects of our lives. This is one of the beauties of free will and Christian liberty. Therefore, I might see myself as strong by engaging in certain practices, yet I may in fact be weak in my faith with room to grow.

Let's look at the issue of drinking. The Bible does not explicitly forbid drinking. Wine is often used throughout the scriptures. Yet the Bible does explicitly forbid drunkenness. So how are we as Christians to handle wine? Certainly, there are those whose constitutions are such that even a little wine would lead them to drunkenness. Thus, those people choose to abstain. And certainly, not wanting to see our brother stumble, those people would encourage others not to drink as well. However, Paul reminds us that we need to be careful and not impose regulations from Scripture that are really not there. Nor are we to force issues on those who are not able to handle them. In the case of drink, if I believe it is OK to drink, then I should be permitted to do so. But if it causes my brother to go against his conscience, then I am not acting in love towards him. Thus, in my liberty I should abstain for his sake, in his presence. But then again in love, he should not dictate that I must hold to abstinence from drink at all times, since my conscience permits it.

The tricky part of all this comes down to: "What does the Bible explicitly say?" I've seen translations that absolutely contradict tenets I hold as black and white. How far do we go in rebuking our brother from heretical thinking and maintain pure worship?

I think this is one of the benefits to "denominations". This is a blessing that God has given us to exercise Christian liberty. If I believe to drink is valid, and you do not, then we belong to different denominations. We both believe the Gospel, and we should celebrate that fact. However, we both are worshiping God as our consciences dictate, and God will judge us accordingly. The problem with denominations is when we turn and wag the finger at one another. Rather than celebrating Christ, we start to celebrate the denomination. We start to look upon the means over the message. This is what Paul cautions to the Corinthians:

But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human?
What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God's fellow workers. You are God's field, God's building. (1 Corinthians 3:1-9)

These are by no means easy issues to discern and address. Those grey areas can spread, and overwhelm that which the Bible clearly makes black and white. Yet is God not forgiving? Is God so hard hearted to those who turn to Him for their salvation? Would He not accept them and cleanse them? Then who are we to condemn them? We can disagree, and choose not to follow those practices. We can encourage, we can seek to teach. But let it be done in all humility and in love. After all, Paul teaches us:

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing...it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. (1 Corinthians 13:2,6)

Year in Review and Resolutions

2009-12-31T07:04:00.000-08:00

Wow, in some ways it's hard to believe 2009 is over. Looking back, I just want to reflect on what I've learned this past year, and declare my resolutions (so others might help keep me accountable).

Lessons Learned:

1. God is faithful. Even when it seems like he's not there, He's quietly working in the background. God doesn't answer prayers with "no" and drops it...he gives us a "yes", but changes the focus of the request.

For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:8-11)

2. God can use seeming tragedy in ways we couldn't expect. I've witnessed the death of my mother, only to have it bring my sisters and I closer and heal old wounds. I've witnessed unspeakable tragedy to a friend of mine, only to watch God use it to shower her with friends, loved ones, and bring her and her boyfriend ever closer together.

Jesus said to her, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see f the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” (John 11:40-44)

3. Reconciliation and forgiveness are some of the greatest virtues a Christian can demonstrate, because God in his infinite mercy and love forgave us and reconciled us to himself. If he could do that for us, who then are we to turn these gifts away from others?

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven...And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:21-22,33-35)

4. God can turn weakness into a strength. Those besetting sins which hamper us so, God has the power to turn them in to virtues of positive change. My intensity, which drives so many away, is also the power which gives me strength to persevere in organizations which are struggling.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

5. If we experience trials, they are not just for our sake, but for the sake of others as well. Therefore we should take joy in them, knowing that we can use those experiences to help others. It is through receiving the mercies of Christ that we then pour forth those mercies onto others. Our Christian walk should be a overflow of the love and mercy and grace God the Father has granted to us.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)

Resolutions for 2010

By the grace of God, and with His help (and with the help of my friends), I resolve in 2010 to:

1. Lose 20+ lbs and get fitter.
2. Become a better steward of my money, and stop my deficit spending
3. Take a vacation (bike/hike trip) in Yellowstone or Yosemite
4. Run a 10K
5. Attempt a 1/2 Marathon

A Lesson from Peter

2009-12-29T07:35:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking recently about the story of Peter, particularly in light of my own conversion. When I was young, high school age, I was a devout Christian. I attended Sunday services, Youth Group, and also participated in regular Bible Study. However, when I went off to college, I fell away from the faith. I won't bore you with the details of why, but eventually my heart grew cold towards God and I started to deny his Deity. However, the LORD in his faithfulness and goodness sought me back, and welcomed me back.

I read with a certain fondness the account of Peter, whom Christ had said: "And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." Peter was the great Apostle, the leader of the early Church. Yet, a careful review of the New Testament, particularly the Gospel accounts, shows that he was far from the faithful servant during Christ's earthly ministry. More often than not, Peter is rebuked several times by the Lord for his lack of faith. How then, can such an unfaithful servant be so foundational to the Church? Simply, because those whom God chooses can and will do great things.

More importantly, however, is the lesson God teaches us. It is never "too late" for us. Those God has chosen are always given the chance to repent, to return. And through Christ's transforming work, can even be useful and productive. The following is the summary account (from Matthew and John) of (Simon) Peter's denial of Christ and restoration by Christ following the resurrection:

And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. Then Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” Peter answered him, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” And all the disciples said the same. (Matthew 26:30-35)

Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came up to him and said, “You also were with Jesus the Galilean.” But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you mean.” And when he went out to the entrance, another servant girl saw him, and she said to the bystanders, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.” And again he denied it with an oath: “I do not know the man.” After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, “Certainly you too are one of them, for your accent betrays you.” Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know the man.” And immediately the rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. (Matthew 26:69-75)

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” (John 21:15-19)

Peter grieved, because he knew he had denied the Lord not just once, but three times. The Lord drove this point home by repeating his question to Peter three times. Yet Jesus, in his infinite love, does not condemn Peter for his denials, but instead restores him, knowing that Peter's heart was truly repentant.

In my own experience, my conversion happened much the same way. The events which brought me back to my faith were eerily similar to the very events that caused me to deny God in the first place. It was as if God was saying to me, "See, you do not have to fall away because of these circumstances; You can use them to draw yourself closer to Me". He was giving me a second chance, much like he gave Peter a second chance. Rather than deny the Lord three times, Peter proclaims the Lord three times. So for me, rather than turn away because of my events, he gives me a chance to proclaim Him because of the events. Thus, much like Peter I grieve deeply knowing what the Lord has done for me in this merciful act. It's as if God is saying "Here's a do-over", and who hasn't wanted a few of those in our lives?

So the story of Peter rings especially true for me. It reminds me of God's love. The restoration he can impart. Not only did Christ forgive Peter, he made him the head of his Church (see Acts). Much like Job, who after his trials was restored even more than before, because of his faithfulness. How wonderful and merciful is God that He grants us the chance to be faithful!

Reflections on the Year

2009-12-28T07:02:00.000-08:00

As we draw to a close 2009, and look ahead to 2010, I thought it appropriate to spend a moment to reflect on some ideas that are running through my head.

I. Vindication

Though one would argue that I brought it upon myself, there are several instances in the past year where I have felt wronged. Not just wronged personally, but wronged biblically. Those who ascribe to themselves claims of faith have seemingly forgotten the mercies of the LORD and have turned their kindness from me. As I read through the Psalms, there is clearly a language used which wishes for judgment and God's wrath to fall upon those who oppose the righteous.

Make them bear their guilt, O God;
let them fall by their own counsels;
because of the abundance of their transgressions cast them out,
for they have rebelled against you. (Psalm 5:10)

Arise, O Lord! Confront him, subdue him!
Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword, (Psalm 17:13)

In particular, when it comes to this last verse, the ESV Study Bible (Crossway, 2009) has this to say:

Ps. 17:13–14 May God Defeat Them! In such an environment of threat and faith, the proper recourse is prayer for the enemy's defeat. Though their repentance may be preferred, that avenue seems closed (v. 10), and thus deliverance for the pious requires defeat for the attacker. The specific kind of defeat is left up to God.

Likewise, Ps. 40:14-15 includes this note:
To pray for deliverance from the schemes of such people (i.e., to ask that they be put to shame, disappointed, turned back, and brought to dishonor, v. 14) should not be considered vindictive.

This makes me wonder then, when is it right to wish judgment upon someone? Clearly there is a biblical standard to do so. Yet as I contemplate those who have wronged me in the past, I can not bear to ask God to do so to them. Yes, I want my cause to be brought to light, yes I want them to see the right state of my heart. Yet I would much rather God be merciful to them, as He was merciful to me. Certainly I wish for God's justice, which includes judging and condemning sin. I would not want God to overlook such evil sin. However, who am I to lay claim that God should judge and condemn? Is it ever right to ask God to do so, or should we always as humbly that God would change hearts rather than condemn the wicked?

II. Servant Leadership

As my church embarks on a new beginning and new hopes, there is so much that we have the opportunity to address in our style of worship. There are so many aspects of our church service which I have been uncomfortable with, and have longed to change. And I think most everyone in the church agrees that change is needed. In frustration, I have stepped forward to take charge, lead as it were and do the things I sense are being said but no one is willing to do. Yet, I can't help but check myself and wonder if this is really servant leadership, or arrogant pride. Yes, my aims are for the good of the church. I want to see us grow, to see visitors flock to us. Yet, is my approach the correct approach? Can a servant leader be proactive in leadership? Is it ever right to stand up and say "make me a leader" for the good of service? Or by doing so do we negate the very virtue by which we are trying to live? I suppose that tied in with this question is the issue of meekness. What is it? How is it modeled? Certainly Christ demonstrated meekness, yet he was not afraid to demonstrate his authority either.

III. My Fellow Brother's Faith

Those that know me know that I feel called to the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America). I could not expect to be a member of any other church any more than I could ask to make myself a dog. It is the one denomination I feel most accurately addresses scripture and upholds biblical truths. Yet, there are inevitably issues which I and fellow Christians would not see eye to eye on. For instance, what is the role of females within the Church? Is it wrong for me to attend a church that allows women ministers? Or does this mean they are not preaching valid scripture? I have seen translations of the bible which validate their point, although I don't agree with the translation. Are they wrong then if that's all they know? Who am I to tell them they are wrong? Should I tell them they are wrong? On lesser matters, is it right to defer to my brother's conscience (such as whether we sing only psalms or include contemporary hymns)? If I compromise my beliefs there, what about more important issues? Afterall, I have heard just as much scripture quoted back defending opposing points of view. At what point am I imposing upon my brother's conscience?

As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. (Romans 14:1-4)

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. (Romans 14:13-16)

If I believe something is clearly unbiblical, do I have a moral obligation to correct my brother, or do I let it slide in love? At what point do I compromise biblical truth?

IV. Stewardship

Am I being a good steward of that which God gives me?

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: (1 Peter 4:10)

I have not been a good steward to date. My bank account can testify to that! But also in how I treat others. As a male, I believe God has called be to be a steward to females. I am no doubt lonely, and would greatly appreciate a helper in my days. Yet I have not honored God in how I deal with them. What would it look like to be a steward in this regards? How do I pursue a relationship with the opposite sex while at the same time maintaining the purity God calls us to? Especially in today's culture?

What about my health? What about my goods? What should I store and what should I give away? How gracious should one be, and how discerning? How can I reign in control (or ask God for that control) that I might be a better steward of that which He gives me?

V. This Blog

As I look forward to the new year, I must take a moment and reflect on whether this blog is even appropriate any more. My aim is to present my musings, that if my thoughts are incorrect and unbiblical that my more faithful brothers might take note and correct me, keep me accountable and guide me. However, by posting things to this blog, am I being judgmental to others? Am I being self-righteous? Am I exposing a weaker brother's sin rather than coming to him in private? Unfortunately I have not had the feedback on this blog I had hoped would be provided. Is that a sign I should discontinue it? Do others obtain any value from it? In my weakness, am I supporting another?

If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. (2 Corinthians 1:6-11)

Has God moved my heart to bear my grief, my pondering, so that others may benefit? Is my suffering so that others may be comforted?

These are but a few of the many musings I've had of late. They all focus on one undeniable fact. God has been good to me. He has blessed me, not just materially but with His presence. I had turned my heart from Him and let it grow cold, and yet He has chosen to let me return to him, be reconciled to Him, and welcomed me back. All these thoughts reflect on that, and as an outpouring of the immeasurable grace He has given me, I want to share that love and grace with those around me. Yet I also want to be accountable. For that I need help, and I would hope in the coming months of the new year I might ask those close to me, my dear friends, to help me do that.

God bless all of you in the new year. May His love and grace forever shine upon you.

A Follow-up to Part XIII

2009-12-16T15:09:00.001-08:00

I was sitting here, re-reading my posts and I was led to consider it even further.

Particularly, I was considering the verse from Paul:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

It led me to question why, what does it really have to do with reconciliation and the transforming power of Christ. What is the deep and profound impact of this message?

Consider the following teaching from Christ:

Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:4-5)

One of the important teachings from Jesus was that we must first look into ourselves. True reconciliation can only happen when we first look inward, and recognize our own faults in a matter. Only then can we truly prepare our hearts to accept and hear our brother's apology and repentance. Otherwise, we continue to be quick to judge, to condemn.

Getting back to Paul's verse above, why then does he command us to look to "...whatever is honorable..." when dealing with others? Because, it disarms us. It's an amazing thing, when you see deeper levels within the bible! By focusing on the good in another, we push aside the bad, we forget to look at it, and thus we don't have anything on which to judge. We are left without our weapon, without our spear! When our brother comes to us in repentance, we don't see the wrong they've done but the good within them. We are no longer quick to judge, but quick to forgive (who can't be willing to forgive a just man?).

When we fell from Grace, the LORD put in an amazing plan to restore us, to cleanse us from our sins and reunite us to Him. It is through the work of his Son that an outpouring of this is given to us, that we might reconcile one to another. Every time we make amends, right a wrong, forgive one another, we are in effect living out the very work God put in us. Paul tells us:

All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

Reconciliation is not something we can do on our own. It is something we must look to God to fulfill. Only by His grace and mercy are we able to share this with one another. He commands us (though the writings of Paul) to seek to live this out with each other.

So when we seek the good in others, not only are we doing something for others, we are doing an amazing thing for ourselves! We draw ourselves closer to God. We become more like him. Not only do we provide a mercy to the one seeking to be reconciled, but through it the LORD gives us a gift of grace and mercy as well.

Our God truly is an awesome God!

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part XIII: Seeing the Good in Others

2009-12-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

I've been watching the movie "Fireproof" quite a bit these past few days. I have to admit it's one of my favorites...the power of redemption and the transforming grace of the Gospel. It's such an encouraging and uplifting film. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly encourage it.

For those who haven't seen it, let me just give you some basic background. Caleb is a firefighter who is in a struggling marriage. He doesn't respect his wife, and she doesn't respect him. He has an addiction to pornography. They are on the verge of divorce. Caleb's father asks him if he wants to save his marriage, and sends him "The Love Dare", which is a 40 day devotional that is supposed to help save the marriage. Caleb begrudgingly starts "The Love Dare", but is transformed through the process. However, I'll spare more details for those who want to see the movie.

There's a powerful scene in the movie. Early into the love dare (~3 days in), Katherine (Caleb's wife) is confused by his sudden change of behavior. Talking to some of her co-workers, Katherine is convinced that Caleb is up to no good, that he's trying to manipulate her for the divorce proceedings. Coming home, Caleb is sitting at the computer (implicitly viewing pornography) and he quickly turns the computer off when she comes in. She asks, "Did you clear your history...so nobody would see where you've been?". A fight ensues, Katherine confronting him about his motives. In the fight, Caleb cries out "You never think I would do anything worthy of respect! Anything honorable!"

While the heart of the fight was intended to convey how our actions in private define what we hold true, I think there's a very deep wisdom buried within Caleb's cry. When it comes to reconciliation, it is very easy for us to remember the past. We are prone not to believe that people can change.

The bible commands us:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

How quick we are to condemn our brother when they have wronged us! How quick we place motives upon them instead of determining the true motives behind their deeds!

Reconciliation is a difficult road to travel. We expose ourselves to further hurt, further wrong is the person isn't truly repentant. However, God exhorts us to seek to see the good in one another (how much more so if the person is a professing Christian). How might Katherine and Caleb's marriage been transformed if instead of condemning him for supposedly trying to manipulate her, looked upon his change as an opportunity to grant forgiveness and grow as a couple in Christ? While I don't recommend naivety and blind faith (for this can be used to our detriment by the unrepentant), I do encourage looking to the good in others. Consider the transforming power of Christ, and seek to explore the good work he has started in others, and the power of His Spirit to transform and sanctify those who seek Him.

God bless.

Unsure about Faith

2009-10-07T23:33:00.000-07:00

There are times when it's difficult to find the right words to express how I feel. In some ways, I sense a duality within myself which often creates conflict and ambivalence. It's a battle, one in which there is no clear winner. Yet something inside me, something beyond me, wills me to go on, even when all I want to do is give up. I feel like Jacob sometimes, wrestling against God. He has taken so much from me, not without reason, but so much none the less. And so lately I find myself fighting against God all the more, wrestling for control, some small morsel that I can call my own. Yet that conflict reminds me that it's not mine to control, that I must relinquish it to God, even when I don't want to.

I will go out on a limb and say that my two strongest traits are my persistence and my intensity. Even when I no longer have a will to continue, something within me drives me on, keeps me putting one foot in front of the other. My persistence allows me to fight when all others would have packed up and gone home. Countless times it has served me well. It has gotten me through hell and back a few times. Football practice double days, Navy ROTC basic training, even heartbreak. My intensity follows suite. When I do something, I go all in. I start a hobby, I have to get all the equipment, no matter the cost. I have to do just as good if not better than those around me.

Yet these same qualities are also my downfall, my kryptonite. For the very same things that keep me going are the very same things that often drive people away. I can't tell you the number of girls I've dated who have dumped me because I'm "too intense". And let's not even delve in to the persistence issue. It makes for a very lonely life.

So it makes me angry at God. Why give me these gifts without the ability to control them? Why make my strength also my weakness?

It makes me confused. Why would God do this? It doesn't seem his nature. Yet, I am aware he is sovereign. And I've seen the connections in the past. So I look back on the last 15 years of my life, and I see the same patterns over and over. No clear victory. I know I've prayed about it. I've begged God to make himself the most important thing in my life. Yet I still seem to be willfull and obstinate. It makes me question the existence of God.

But I've been down THAT path before, and I don't like where it ended. Granted, I was Happy then. Oh yes, I was happy. But then I met the person that changed my perspective on faith back on course...and I haven't been happy since. I'm afraid of God. He's thumped me good, and I don't like it...I'd rather toe the line from now on. But in toeing that line, I'm miserable because I no longer have any control. It's a paradox I am failing to understand.

Too often I find myself taking small steps to the left or right away from the doctrine of my faith. They're tiny steps, but they have profound ramifications. I'm constantly having to check myself, see if I'm still on course. And of course, everytime I drift I worry I'm making that fatal error that will prevent me from recieving God's mercy. I worry I'm becoming Saul or Esau who although they sought God with tears, he refused them. It's a scary, scary place to be, this not knowing.

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part XII: Reconciling with Ourselves

2009-08-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

I suffer from depression. It's a horrid disease - this little voice in the back of your head, always probing, always robbing you of joy. Ironically, it's an addiction...you seek the misery. Not directly, but in some strange way, you find comfort in the very thing that makes you so uncomfortable. On one hand, you absolutely HATE it...fight it, seek to rid yourself of it. On the other hand, you just want to give in, crawl into your little cave and just live in the darkness and cold. It's an emotionally draining battle.

I've struggled now for a little over a year, dealing with a personal issue that brings so much guilt and shame to me. It's no secret that it deals with reconciliation, else I wouldn't spend so much time writing these blogs. Yet one area that I've glossed over, not spent a lot of time considering, is reconciling with ourselves.

You see, I've hurt someone I care very much about. While we were together, I was not yet a Christian and we broke up shortly after I became one. I wasn't living a wicked life, per se, but it certainly wasn't based in Christian values. Needless to say, this upset her very much and she decided that she was better off without me in her life. That's when the guilt really set in. I had seen how much my sin affected her, it was one of the reasons I became a Christian (seeing her example). But it seems to have affected her more than I realized, and she broke off all contact with me. It HURT. A LOT. We had talked about marriage, and now we couldn't even face one another. I had made a vow to honor and cherish her, and I wanted so badly to keep that vow. Every time I see my friends getting married, having kids, holding hands, etc., all I can see is what I lost, what I gave up because of my sin.

I've struggled, trying to understand how someone so godly, so steeped in faith, could behave in such a heartless way. Couldn't she see how much this was hurting me? Didn't she have any compassion? Couldn't she at least talk to me? I searched the Bible for answers. I've prayed constantly over the matter. I tried to make contact with her, hoping time would heal some of the wounds. It didn't. My attempts only made the situation worse. The more I studied, the more I sought God's will (so I thought). I tried to follow the biblical commands of reconciliation, following the pattern in Matthew 18. I sought out mutual friends, leaders in the church. No one seemed interested in helping.

Mind you, I don't want her to do something she doesn't want to do. I don't want to force her into a relationship she doesn't want. I care about her and just want her happiness. Part of me is just worried that she's running from her own sense of guilt, that it will haunt her. Part of me needs to talk to get over my sense of guilt.

The other day in Bible study, we were discussing marriage and divorce. My pastor made the comment that when one party abandons the relationship, there is no longer any need to maintain vows. We are absolved of responsibility. The ESV Study Bible (Crossway 2008) has the following notes on 1 Corinthians 7:15 -

1 Cor. 7:15 let it be so. Paul advises the Christian spouse not to create strife by trying to manipulate reconciliation with an unbelieving spouse who has left the marriage. not enslaved. This at least means that the believing spouse is not obligated to seek reconciliation to the unbelieving spouse who abandoned him or her (see v. 11); but the majority of interpreters now think that the phrase also implies the freedom to obtain a legal divorce (if that has not already happened) and the freedom to marry someone else. Jesus' teaching on divorce also appears to allow remarriage when sexual immorality has prompted the divorce (see notes on Matt. 5:31–32; 19:9). Peace in the widest sense is meant, in the OT sense that “all is well” in one's life and circumstances, which is the OT concept of shalom (see note on John 14:27). Most interpreters hold that God releases the believing spouse from the twin unending distresses of (a) a lifelong vain hope of reconciling with an unbeliever who has abandoned the believing spouse, and (b) a lifelong prohibition against enjoying the blessings of marriage again. Other interpreters, emphasizing 1 Cor. 7:39, hold that remarriage is never allowed after divorce.

I've contemplated deeply why I still want to reconcile with someone who outright abandoned me. In the context of the above notes, it would seem that having followed Matthew 18 as far as I could, I should no longer seek to create strife by further attempts to reconcile. Yet my heart is still deeply torn.

I want to be angry. I want to let the hate grow over my heart. Feel something other than this deep heart wrenching hurt that I wake up to every day. She abandoned me. She made a promise and broke it. She's a hypocrite. A hateful monster. It's other people's fault, non-Christians she associates with. It's the Pastor's fault for not exercising proper biblical discipline or reconciliation. She's no longer a believer. Etc. Anything to build up the resentment and bitterness that can shove aside the hurt in my heart. Yet I can't. I see her, and I feel nothing but love in my heart. I might stir up anger for a minute, but it quickly fades away as I remember the good times (and sometimes even the bad).

Yet that love brings hurt. Why?

I think in large part it's my own guilt. This is someone I loved, and I hurt them. And the more I tried to reconcile with them, the more I ended up hurting them. Thus the more I feel guilty. See that sick twisted pattern of depression?

Yet the bible tells us we shouldn't feel this way:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)

Depression is a sick and twisted disease. It has a nasty way of fooling us into wrong thinking. I read the bible and see:

Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. (2 Corinthians 2:5-8)

and I want to point the finger - she's bringing the guilt. See, if she'd just reconcile, I'd be free from "excessive sorrow". The consequences of my actions follow me, haunt me. If only I could be rid of some of these consequences, the guilt could go away. I fail to remember there's no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

In some measure, I think it's easy to reconcile with one another. At the very least, we've seen that sometimes reconciliation doesn't have to equal restoration, that parties can separate and still be at peace with one another (e.g. Abram and Lot, Paul and Barnabas). There's some token of forgiveness there (though I still argue the church in general has a very poor understanding of true biblical forgiveness at times). But what happens when that person we need to reconcile with is ourselves? What happens when we let ourselves down? We certainly can't separate from ourselves. When the voice on your shoulder is constantly putting you down, where do you go to escape?

We often don't think of reconciliation as a process we have to go through with ourselves. We read passages like Matthew 18, and fail to consider how to apply it to ourselves. Yet those very same principles apply. We are to go to ourselves first...then to others, then to the church. We are to seek Christ, and know that there's no condemnation in Him. And we have to read the Scriptures, for it's through the Scriptures that the Spirit speaks to us. We have to keep at this process. Reminding ourselves daily that we are forgiven, and that God has reconciled us to himself, which is what is most important. It's hard, believe me, I know. It feels impossible sometimes. But then again, that's one reason I started this blog - to try and work out a lot of these issues for myself. I'm not here to condemn others, only trying to figure out how to keep from condemning myself.

Meanwhile, I lift my shield and raise my sword, and prepare for yet another onslaught.

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part XI: Divorce

2009-07-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been left to consider something on the topic of divorce. While I've watched couple after couple become engaged and get married, I've also been witnessing the heart wrenching tale as other couples end in divorce...even more tragic when it's supposedly Christian couples.

My first thought is this: Is it ever right to divorce?

Some would argue that the bible condones divorce in particular circumstances. Particularly, passages like Matthew 5:31-32 seem to suggest there are biblical grounds for divorce.

It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32)

It seems pretty clear from this passage of scripture that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce. Afterall, Jesus is saying that divorcing for these grounds is not adultery.

Let's consider a hypothetical situation: A husband goes on a trip, and phones back..."I've done something horrible...I've slept with two women". Pretty horrific, right? Not just once, but twice. Is this grounds for divorce? A important question is raised: "Would you ever speak to him again, if he was absolutely and truly repentant?"

I know that there are some women out there who would say "no, they would not speak to him again (at least not willingly)". Often times, there is a pain and humiliation that is felt as a result of such transgressions, and it becomes difficult for the woman to look upon the man and not feel such shame. It fills the woman with anger, and contempt, and other ungodly feelings. Citing scripture, they would argue:

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (Matthew 5:29-30)

I found it hard to argue against this. Afterall, by being in this relationship the woman is led into sin. And by removing said person from her life, she is avoiding sin. That is what the bible commands, if something causes us to sin, get rid of it lest we be tempted.

Could it be my thoughts on reconciliation are wrong? Is there a time when we are justified in casting someone out of our life? I was dismayed. I didn't have a ready answer.

As I contemplated further, however, I began thinking about the Gospel and what is the overreaching message of the Gospel. Is it that we are to live legalistic lives, avoiding all things that cause us to sin, living an almost a monastic existence in obedience? Or is it rather, that we can't and that we need the redemptive work of Christ?

Perhaps this is the most powerful message of the Gospel. We are fallen. We are dirty. We fall so far short of the Glory of God, that we don't have any hope to possibly be in his presence. We didn't just sleep with two prostitutes...we slept with thousands. The Lord warned us in the ten commandments:

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:2-6)

And in Hosea, he condemns us for what we are:

Rejoice not, O Israel! Exult not like the peoples; for you have played the whore, forsaking your God. You have loved a prostitute's wages on all threshing floors. (Hosea 9:1)

Yet what is truly amazing is that God did not divorce his people, though they committed spiritual adultery. He did not forsake Israel. His chosen people sinned and rebelled against Him, and yet God still chose to redeem them, to reconcile to them. In fact, the book of Revelation even tells us that Christ will still marry to us! God has offered us an amazing gift, if we would only choose to take it. He has offered his only Son, a part of himself, as a sacrifice on our behalf so that we might be in His presence again. Through the work of his Son, the veil to the Sanctum Sanctorum has been torn, we are no longer separated from God.

If we rebel and sin against God so egregiously that he calls us whores, yet still has the love and compassion on his creation to seek to reconcile with us (even though it should be us who wants to reconcile to him, not the other way around), what is it then for us to turn and grant that to others? Peter's epistle reminds us that Godly Love is quite powerful:

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

So when it comes to the issue of said husband/wife, we should approach the situation with the understanding of the sacrifice that Christ made for us. For we have done far worst spiritually to Christ than this man did emotionally to his significant other. Yet Christ, the one who was wronged mind you, has sought us out and offered reconciliation. And not just reconciliation, but restoration. But to say further, one must consider the circumstances a little more.

Is he really repentant? Can she handle more infidelity? Was there other things in the relationship that were worth saving? Can you do more for him by encouraging him spiritually? Etc.

Yet these deal more with restoration than reconciliation. But to answer the question posed above...yes, I believe she should talk to him again. This does not mean they need to get back together, nor does it mean a relationship of any meaningful sort needs to be rebuilt. However, if he's truly repentant he will want to change, and know of his sin, and do what he can to make it right. He deserves the right to be heard, to hear his accuser. If his heart is truly repentant and is seeking reconciliation according to God's purposes, then she need not fear him expecting more from the meeting than she's willing to give (for when we come in love, we come with giving hearts, not taking hearts). God does not promise us relationships, only that we are to be reconciled if we seek it according to His purposes.

But what about her? The shame, humiliation, vulnerability, etc. that she must feel? Why face that again? Isn't it better to just "forgive and move on"? First off, forgiveness is almost always paired with repentance in the Bible. I don't believe we can truly biblically forgive someone unless they can are repentant. Afterall, God does not forgive us unless we repent, and we are commanded to forgive as He forgives us. What if the other person isn't repentant? Then we are to pray that they do become repentant. But to "forgive and then move on" is tantamount to condoning the sin. We are neglegent in our duties to rebuke our fellow brother.

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)

If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother. (2 Thessalonians 3:14-15)

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. (James 5:16a)

My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. (James 5:19-20)

Note that in the Thessalonians passage, there is cause to remove one's self for a season, in order to apply discipline and rebuke (in this case through shame). However, we are to regard him not as an enemy, but to "warn" him, as a brother. This implies that there will be a time when we are to come back together (when the brother has changed his ways in accordance with the wrong being presented). We are never commanded to cast off forever, in fact, we are commanded to restore lest too much shame or sorrow be left on the person's shoulders:

Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. (2 Corinthians 2:5-8)

I think this last scripture says a lot when you look more closely at it. Paul uses the phrase "...turn to forgive and comfort him...", implying that our backs are turned on the one who has wronged us. We have abandoned them, cast them off, rejected them. Yet we also see sorrow, a repentance implied, on the part of the one who did wrong. Thus, we are in fact to "turn towards" them, seek them out, in effect to speak to them once again.

Yet as I contemplate the shame a woman must feel, I felt led to think about this passage:

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)

So, in the case of the husband/wife, yes, she should talk to him again. There should be biblical reconciliation that occurs. Anything above that is beyond the scope of this post.

As I thought more about what it means to ignore someone, to reject them based upon the cause of "sin", I thought more and more that it equates to ungodly judgment. For when you ignore them, you're saying they can't repent, that they can't come to a biblical understanding, that they are unregenerate. You have decided that they can not change. You have judged them.

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. (James 4:11)

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? (1 John 3:17)

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:20)

When it comes to marriage, is there grounds for divorce? Well, throughout this post I've sought to show that when it comes to relationship, any relationship, we are to seek out and restore. How much more true when the two have become one flesh? If God is unwilling to divorce his own people, and seeks us out for reconciliation despite our infidelity, how can we claim to love God if we're not willing to offer the same back to our significant others if they're truly repentant? For surely if God can make a 90 year old woman give birth, certainly he can mend a broken heart.

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part X: While we still have the chance...

2009-06-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, my mom passed away this morning.

I'm still in shock.

I thought we had 3-6 months. I had planned to go down in July or August.

God decided otherwise.

Today more than at any other time, this verse hits home:

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. (James 4:13-17)

I am so thankful I got to see her a week ago. I'm so thankful God gave me and my sisters a chance to reconcile our differences. I'm so thankful that we can be there to support one another right now. And more than anything, I am thankful to GOD, knowing that how everything turned out was for His glory and purposes.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. (Romans 8:28-30)

At the risk of sounding preachy, cherish every moment. Seek love above all things. Seek God's purposes, that his Will be done. Never neglect to meet or speak to one with whom you have a disagreement! For you don't know if you'll ever have another chance! Give them the chance to speak. If you can't tolerate it alone, take along one or two others that they may support you. It may be the only chance you have to reconcile with them on earth, for the LORD knows our days and He chooses the hour of our death.

and since my mom loved Angels:

Bless the Lord, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word! (Psalm 103:20)

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part IX: What is "Reconciliation"?

2009-06-19T09:21:00.001-07:00

As I've been posting these entries, and speaking to people in person, I realize that there is some confusion over what exactly is meant by "reconciliation". This isn't helped by the fact that our culture often uses "reconciliation" when referring to marriage and reuniting husband and wife after a separation/divorce, etc. Thus, often times people confuse "reconciliation" with "restoration". But the two are not necessarily equal.

According to Merriam-Webster (www.merriam-webster.com):

Main Entry:
rec·on·cile Listen to the pronunciation of reconcile
Pronunciation:
\ˈre-kən-ˌsī(-ə)l\
Function:
verb
Inflected Form(s):
rec·on·ciled; rec·on·cil·ing
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French or Latin; Anglo-French reconciler, from Latin reconciliare, from re-conciliare to conciliate
Date:
14th century

transitive verb
1 a: to restore to friendship or harmony b: settle, resolve
2: to make consistent or congruous
3: to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant
4 a: to check (a financial account) against another for accuracy b: to account forintransitive verb: to become reconciled

Main Entry:
res·to·ra·tion Listen to the pronunciation of restoration

Pronunciation:
\ˌres-tə-ˈrā-shən\
Function:
noun
Date:
14th century

1: an act of restoring or the condition of being restored: as a: a bringing back to a former position or condition : reinstatement b: restitution c: a restoring to an unimpaired or improved condition d: the replacing of missing teeth or crowns
2: something that is restored ; especially : a representation or reconstruction of the original form (as of a fossil or a building)
3capitalized a: the reestablishing of the monarchy in England in 1660 under Charles II b: the period in English history usually held to coincide with the reign of Charles II but sometimes to extend through the reign of James II

Thus, "reconciliation" is the settlement of a disagreement. While friendship is implied, it does not necessarily have to be present. "Restoration", on the other hand, implies that things return to the way they were. In the case of divorce, it means the couple is restored to a married state. In friendships, it means the two are once again as close of friends as they once were. Thus, we can reconcile with one another while not restoring the state of friendship that once existed.

Now, scripturally I believe that God's ideal is that the two would be equal...that when we reconcile with someone we would also restore with them fellowship and communion. However, we live in a fallen world, and we are incapable of forgetting transgressions the way God does. We carry with us emotional baggage, hurt, pain, fear. There's no getting around this. We can pray to God, but there will always be some fear there. Thus, practically, I don't think we can assume that reconciliation would lead to restoration.

But is there any biblical basis for saying this? Yes, amazingly God has provided us with scriptural evidence to support this. Two major passages come to mind.

The first is of Abram (Abraham) and Lot:

Now Abram was very rich in livestock, in silver, and in gold. And he journeyed on from the Negeb as far as Bethel to the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Ai, to the place where he had made an altar at the first. And there Abram called upon the name of the Lord. And Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents, so that the land could not support both of them dwelling together; for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together, and there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram's livestock and the herdsmen of Lot's livestock. At that time the Canaanites and the Perizzites were dwelling in the land.

Then Abram said to Lot, “Let there be no strife between you and me, and between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, for we are kinsmen. Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right, or if you take the right hand, then I will go to the left.” And Lot lifted up his eyes and saw that the Jordan Valley was well watered everywhere like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, in the direction of Zoar. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) So Lot chose for himself all the Jordan Valley, and Lot journeyed east. Thus they separated from each other. Abram settled in the land of Canaan, while Lot settled among the cities of the valley and moved his tent as far as Sodom. (Genesis 13:2-12)

Here we see Abram and Lot having an argument over grazing of their cattle. Their herdsmen (servants) were in strife with one another. Could they have ordered their men to behave? Yes, Could they have agreed to live together and support one another? Yes. Instead, they chose to reconcile their differences, and then go their separate ways. Thus, the close familial bond that existed before was not restored

Now, to make a short aside...the Bible often contains two different kinds of directives. The first I will call a "moral directive". These include things like the 10 Commandments. "Do this or else..." These are moral commandments that face consequences if not carried out. I believe reconciliation is one such commandment (Matthew 5:21-26). The other directive is a "moral neutral". The bible suggests we follow this directive, but gives no indication whether judgment is made concerning the fulfillment. In the case of Abram and Lot, I believe their separating is a moral neutral position. There is no indication from the text whether God was angry they went separate ways or not. Thus, there is absolutely no support to say it was wrong or right. Restoration is a moral neutral directive. It fits with God's ideal, but there is no scriptural basis to suggest it MUST be done (although there is scriptural basis to show when it's not carried out, judgment doesn't immediately follow).

The second passage that comes to mind is the story of Paul and Barnabas.

And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches. (Acts 15:36-41)

While there is no evidence from the scripture directly suggesting reconciliation occurred, the ESV Study Bible notes (Crossway 2008) provides some clues about this separation:

Acts 12:12 John whose other name was Mark will be a major figure in the next three chapters, going with Paul and Barnabas on the first part of their first missionary journey but then leaving them (see v. 25; 13:5, 13). This was a cause of contention between Paul and Barnabas (see 15:37, 39). Mark regained Paul's favor later (see Col. 4:10; 2 Tim. 4:11; Philem. 24). Mark accompanied Peter (see 1 Pet. 5:13), and there is substantial testimony from the early church that he wrote the Gospel of Mark (see Introduction to Mark: Author and Title).

Acts 15:36–41 Paul and Barnabas Differ over Mark. Before setting out on his new mission, Paul asked Barnabas to accompany him. A sharp disagreement arose between them over whether to take Mark, resulting in Barnabas taking Mark on a separate mission and Paul choosing Silas as his companion.

Acts 15:39 a sharp disagreement. In the sovereignty of God, out of this disagreement came a doubling of their labor, for Barnabas went to strengthen the churches in Cyprus and Paul went to the churches in Syria, Cilicia, and then Galatia. In addition, both of their assistants (Mark and Silas) went on to have significant ministries themselves.

Now, this is me speaking, but I find it quite difficult to believe that Paul and Barnabas never reconciled, seeing as how Paul continually preaches reconciliation throughout the epistles. Though I can't point to evidence, I suspect that Paul and Barnabas probably parted on amicable terms, afterall, they were leaders in the church and needed to set an example. We also don't see evidence of Paul "bad mouthing" Barnabas anywhere after this separation. What is clear, however, is that their time together had come to an end, and they were separated from that time forward due to this disagreement. Thus, restoration from the argument never occurred. God also used it for his divine purposes, as the notes suggest, allowing twice the amount of work to be done.

When we seek reconciliation, we must remember to seek it according to God's will. Reconciliation does not mean that relationship has to be restored. It is possible to settle difference and yet move on and go our separate ways. However, reconciliation does imply coming together to settle those differences, and being courteous and friendly whenever paths should cross. Afterall, ignoring someone, avoiding conversation, refusing to meet with them is not reconciling (whether you "forgive them in your heart" or not) and is not condoned in the bible:

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

Thoughts on Reconciliation: Part VIII: It's never too late to reconcile...

2009-06-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today I thought I would share a little update about what's happening in my life, the power of the Holy Spirit, and the faithfulness of God.

Repeatedly throughout the bible, we are referred to God's faithfulness to us, when we seek his will and promises (a few examples):

The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:6-7)

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:7-11)

O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. (Luke 12:28b-31)

Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. (1 Peter 4:19)

Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. (2 Peter 1:10)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war. (Revelation 19:11)

As I hope to have and continue to show, God has called us to reconciliation with one another (Matthew 5:24). Thus, if we seek reconciliation according to God's purposes, then we can be assured that as a faithful and just God, He will provide the opportunity for reconciliation to occur. Sometimes this may mean others need to assist (as we lovingly rebuke one another, see Part VI), but God has made his promises and he is faithful to fulfill them.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.(Hebrews 10:23-25)

Recently, I have had the opportunity to experience this blessing in my life. Two major events occurred which demonstrated this faithfulness and promise. It also demonstrates the active power of the Holy Spirit, who constantly reminds us of our obligations to God and instills in us a desire to seek his purposes.

The first instance was within my own family. As I have discussed in the past, there are some issues in my family where the ability to reconcile has been difficult at best. In fact, at times it has seemed down right impossible. Members of the family have drawn their proverbial "lines in the sand", and have seemingly refused to budge. I am just as guilty of this! But thankfully, God is faithful to sanctify us, and indicate to us where we need correction:

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.(Matthew 23:23)

What Christ is referring to here is a legalistic culture, in which members strove to keep the "letter of the law", but then neglected to practice the virtues of the law. They thought that by obeying the literal law they would make themselves right with God. However, in doing so, they failed to see how they opposed their fellow man, and oppressed those who couldn't help themselves. Jesus rebukes them, showing them that their "righteous deeds" do not earn them merit, for they fail miserably in other areas.

Times are difficult in my family, and I knew that if reconciliation did not occur, and occur quickly, that hope for long term peace in the family might be nonexistent. Rather than just letting me point the finger at others, however, God was faithful in letting his Spirit rebuke me. This passage came to heart (albeit in a indirect way), reminding me that I too fall far short of the expectations of love and mercy that God calls us to. So God instilled in me a spirit to listen. And so I did. What I learned was that in my righteous anger, I was not forgiving as I was called to forgive. I was still harboring old wounds. I was using people's past misdeeds against them, even still. How could this person ever show remorse or repentance if I refused to believe their sorrow? For when we forgive, we pledge to that person NOT to harbor that issue again (we don't forget, but we must let go...more on that in another post). If we do harbor the issue, then we are guilty of lying to the person, and thwart their chance to apologize. We're in effect telling them "It doesn't matter what you try, I won't believe you".

Repentance isn't always a done deal...meaning we slip and we fail. But when we forgive, we tell the person "I know you're trying, and I will support you trying as best as I can". Jesus knows we can't always get it right, even the first time around.

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4)

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21-22)

Can you imagine this??? Someone wronging you 490 times?!? Now granted, this was not meant to be taken literally. Rather, Christ is suggesting that forgiveness should never be withheld. Seven was an astronomically large number in the Hebrew mind. To say we should forgive "seventy times seven" is the equivalent of saying "infinity times infinity" in today's language. Yet what Christ is NOT condoning is the idea of casting someone out of our life...to not have anything to do with them again. Needing time is fine, and we may remove ourselves from a person for a season in order to get ourselves in order with God...but eventually we need to come back to the person and set things right (and we are commanded to do this quickly).

As I sat and listened to my family member, I recalled my own words: "I'm done...I can't do this anymore, I want nothing more to do with you..." and etc. The Spirit reminded me of my obligations to my fellow man, and my heart was saddened knowing how I have failed to live and act in a manner that glorified Christ.

Thus, I was then able to turn to them and hear their pleas. I could hear the sincerity of their heart, and feel if only a small portion of the pain and burden that they felt. It allowed me to speak on their behalf, support them and encourage others who have been wronged to also listen.

Now, there is peace. It's a tenuous peace, and depends much on the actions and attitudes of others, but it's a peace that did not exist weeks ago. We have managed to work together to support one another, rather than immediately pointing fingers and yelling. And it is by God's grace this peace can even be there, and it was through seeking His will and his Glory that it was even established. This peace was not by my doing, but rather by God (for to him belongs the credit), and goes to show that even in the mists of seemingly IMPOSSIBLE circumstances, if we seek His will and His Glory, He WILL BE FAITHFUL to give generously and he can accomplish things when it seems just not possible.

The second instance occurred with my property management. My apartment complex often signs of packages that won't fit in the mailboxes. Recently, my apartment complex lost a package of mine that I'd been waiting on for some time. They had gotten tired of waiting for me to pick it up (as I was away on travel), and had left it on my doorstep. Who knows what happened to it, because I never saw it nor received it. As I called to complain, tempers got heated and words were exchanged. I felt incredibly wronged, as I felt as though the management took a "what do you want us to do about it" mentality. How insulting! But as the day wore on, and I spoke with the Post Office about filing a lost package claim, I realized that my anger was fall short of glorifying Christ. I had let my anger rule and take over me (even if it was justified), and I acted in a manner that was frankly un-Christ-like. Eventually I called the owner back and apologized for yelling. Amazingly, he apologized as well, agreeing that something needed to be done and offered to support any investigations that needed to occur. Again, if I hadn't called to apologize, to offer to reconcile, not only would I have been out of my package, but probably would have had a very difficult relationship with the owner for quite some time!

Sometimes reconciling means swallowing our pride. We want to be right, and reconciling often means admitting we bear some responsibility. But often we do bear some. There are those who say "I can't...it's been too long...", but it's never too late. As I saw with my family, if we didn't try quickly, it could have meant disaster in the long run. Events are leading to a tragic conclusion 3-6 months from now (I apologize, but I don't wish to discuss more details in theses posts), and if we didn't reconcile, these events would have likely permanently split the family apart at worse, and made reconciliation difficult at best. But as I said, God is faithful to those who seek his Will and his Glory. Thus, He will be faithful to those who seek his purposes, which include reconciliation.

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part VII: "Go and Be Reconciled..."

2009-06-15T20:53:00.001-07:00

Today I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. While discussing a particularly difficult situation with respect to reconciliation, in which the other party refuses to reconcile, this friend's advice to me was:
"You can't always meet with the person for reconciliation. If you have prayed and asked God for His forgiveness, that is what you need."

While it is true that when we sin, we offend not us as humans, but rather God. Our offenses are against God. Our repentance must be directed toward God. Only God can judge and forgive our hearts. Ultimately, no matter what happens on earth, it is with our Heavenly Father, and his Son whom we must be reconciled to.

But, is this what he commands us to do? If we are in the wrong with our brother, are we commanded simply to ask forgiveness and then "hand it over to God"?

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. (Matthew 5:21-26) [emphasis mine]

Why then, if God wants us to repent to Him, does he command us to leave the altar, the place of worship, and seek to be reconciled to our brother first? God has placed reconciliation with our brother over worship! "First be reconciled...THEN come..." [emphasis mine]

What does this mean for the modern Church? I think the whole concept of reconciliation is horribly amiss in the Church today. We believe we only owe our repentance to God, and come what may to those around us. Why does this matter? Because God wants us to come to him with pure hearts. He wants our worship to be focused on Him, and Him alone. If we have a fault with our brother, inevitably it will pervade our thoughts. We will stew over it. It will block out, if only a small portion, of our worship with God. But God commands us to love him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Thus, if we don't reconcile, both parties lack something in their offering to God. Thus, the modern church is ROBBING people of the completeness of worship by telling them "sometimes you just can't be reconciled".

Secondly, notice something subtle in the text. Although the sermon is about anger, and hating our brother, Jesus subtly indicates who is to seek reconciliation:
"if...your brother has something against you..."
Thus, this assumes that the party who was in the wrong is the one that should forgo worship in order to be reconciled. Granted, in human terms, disputes are ALWAYS two sided, and thus both parties are liable to this lesson. However, usually there is one party who has sinned more. Thus, that party is commanded to leave worship and seek reconciliation, then come back and offer his gift. Ideally, both will go, but at least one must start the process. Now I'm not saying don't come to Church until you're reconciled (it may take a long time, afterall), but rather make every effort to seek reconciliation as soon as possible.

Thirdly, Jesus does not say "if" your brother "may" reconcile with you. He says a more direct statement:
First be reconciled to your brother...
as though he is expecting that as Christians, and God fearing people, reconciliation isn't a choice for those who seek it, it WILL occur (or at least SHOULD). For if we love God, and recognize what he has done for us, reconciling us to himself, then how can we not reconcile with our brother (again assuming both parties are seeking reconciliation in accordance with God's Will).

I will digress, and discuss the inevitable...what happens if the other party dies before reconciling? I've heard this argument countless times...that we can't always expect reconciliation to be two sided. But if the other party dies, one of two things happens...1) They go to Heaven, at which time their heart becomes pure and all bitterness and strife pass away, thus clearing the road for reconciliation (there will no longer be a "barrier" to it, for if they were on earth, they would freely and gladly reconcile out of their shear love and adoration of God). 2) They don't go to Heaven, in which case they are not reconciled to God, and thus he would not expect us to reconcile with them, either (forgive as God has forgiven you). We are absolved of the obligation. Thus, if the other party dies, we are free to "reconcile" and forgive them in our hearts, knowing that if they are in heaven they would come to terms quickly with us. Thus, in that particular case, reconciling ourselves to God is sufficient.

However, in Jesus's sermon, he does not condone this concept. Throughout scripture, as I have hoped to show and continue to strive to show, Christ commands us repeatedly to reconcile while we are still traveling as sojourners on this Earth. Thus, the concept of just "turning it over to God" is faulty at a minimum and downright wrong at worst.

So what if the other party refuses? Well, as I hoped to show in the last posting (Part VI), we are to seek those around us, fellow Christians and the Church to help lovingly rebuke the other party, to steer them in a Godly way. We are not to judge them, not the hate them, but rather pray for them. Pray that God would soften their hearts. Pray that God would give them wisdom to hear. Pray that God may use this to grow their sanctification. Pray that God would transform our own hearts (YES, we have a responsibility too!) to wisely respect the other party's wishes (sometimes this means giving up on restoration and leaving it at reconciliation).

Current Events

2009-06-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

For those who are close to me, you know that right now I am dealing with some very difficult issues. I won't, for the sake of parties involved, go into details today in this post. But I am making note of it here because it does deal with the topic of reconciliation and forgiveness.

To make a long story short, I am seeking to reconcile with someone, and I'm finding it quite difficult. The party in question is fearful, and refuses to speak or listen. When they do speak, there are accusations and insults thrown about. My patience is growing thin, and I struggle to remind myself that I must be patient, must continue to show love even when I don't want to. I have to remember that God puts us through trials and tribulations for our own sanctification, to bring Him Glory, and that He and He alone is judge. I know that what I face is for His Glory and His Good (Romans 8:28), and that in his Steadfast Love and Grace, all that He does, in definition of his Character, IS good (Job 1:21; 2:10)

But most of all, it comes down to my patience. I want to be done with this. I want to cast the person aside and tell them off. I want to let the hate grow within me, and let my vengeance pour forth and return eye for an eye. But how can I sit here, preaching and espousing on reconciliation and NOT offer reconciliation even to the most difficult of situations? How can I turn to God and ask, of those I've wronged, "Please reconcile me to..." and not offer it to those who've wronged me? How can I act in contrary to scripture and still profess to carry the Love of Christ?

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. (1 Peter 2:23)

Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. (1 Peter 3:9)

Thoughts on Reconciliation: Part VI: When we need others to help us see...

2009-06-01T21:12:00.001-07:00

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, (2 Timothy 3:16)

Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have. I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder, since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ made clear to me. And I will make every effort so that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things. (2 Peter 1:12-15)

There comes a time in our lives when we wrong one another, and the hardness of our own hearts prevents us from seeing the injustice we have done. Pride often gets in the way. We feel a wrong has been committed against us, an injustice done. We grow stubborn, wanting our brand of justice and our correction. Other times, we feel we are in the right, doing what is commanded of us. We believe we are acting in accordance with scripture. We supplement the Truth with our own brand of truth, a worldly truth.

The LORD God has given us his Word, the Bible, to teach us His Truth. It tells us who He is, what His character is, and how, through his infinite love and mercy, He chose to reconcile himself with his creation. This Truth is sufficient, inerrant, and complete. We do not need to rely on man's interpretations or traditions to teach us what it says, nor do we need length expository to simplify and clarify much of its teachings.

It is easy, however, to misuse this Truth, to bend it and mold it into our own expectations of what is right and just. The apostle Paul gave warning to his young protege Timothy, when he said:

If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, he is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain. (1 Timothy 6:3-5)

So then, how does one prevent themselves from falling into this trap of misusing scripture? How can we see our own sins when we harden our hearts and become blind to them? We are all fallen, and our sinful hearts are always trying to justify ourselves before God.

In the story of King David, we read of David's adulterous affair with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah the Hittite (one of David's trusted men). While Uriah was at war for King David, David stumbled upon Bathsheba, and sought her for his own. He slept with her, and she became pregnant. To cover over this horrible sin, David sought to get Uriah to sleep with his own wife (thus making the child appear to be Uriah's). Uriah, out of a sense of loyalty for David, refused to leave the King's side, however, while the country was at war. Thus, trapped by his own sin, David sent Uriah out to the front lines, and ordered that the commanders send out Uriah on a mission that would surely have him killed. David therefore added murder to adultery. All seemed well for David, as Bathsheba's husband had been killed in war and thus David could marry her and the child would be legitimate.

David was puffed up in his own conceit. He had made himself right in his own eyes. But God does not judge us by our sense of right, he judges us by His. Thus, blinded by his own sin and self-serving nature, David was unable to see the Truth. Thus, God sent the prophet Nathan to rebuke David, and make David see that which his heart had become hardened to.

And the Lord sent Nathan to David, He came to him and said to him,..."Now there came a traveler to the rich man, and he was unwilling to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the guest who had come to him, but he took the poor man's lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him.” Then David's anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die, and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.”...Nathan said to David,"You are the man!...Thus says the Lord, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.’” David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. Nevertheless, because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die.” Then Nathan went to his house." (2 Samuel 12:1,4-7,11-15)

Nathan, had he directly confronted David, likely would have incurred David's wrath and been cast aside. Instead, Nathan was able to get David to pronounce judgment upon himself by using a metaphorical story to break through David's sinful heart. Confronted with his own sense of self-righteousness, David had no choice but to admit his wrong doing and confess his sin. David was unable to see with his own eyes what others had seen. But God used Nathan to turn David's heart, to see his own sin, and to bring him to repentance (See Psalm 51).

When it comes to our own sinful hearts, we quickly become blind. We justify (I needed to do it...), we blame (they made me do it...), and sometimes we ignore (I didn't do that...). We can spend hours pouring over scripture, praying to God, and still be so callous in our hearts that we fail to see our own sin.

It is at these times we must turn to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and seek to be lovingly rebuked by them.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:6)

For when we are so blinded by our own sin, we might be reminded of it (Much like David was by Nathan) by those closest to us. Then, through the blessing and grace of discipline, we might be brought out of that sin to repentance and back into fellowship with our LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ.

correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, (2 Tim. 2:25)

Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. (Colossians 1:28)

While the Holy Spirit speaks to us through the Word (John 17:17; 1 Corinthians 2:6-16), God also uses those around us to bring and clarify His message to us.

Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. (1 Corinthians 2:12-13)

When we rebuke one another, we do it with a sense of love and compassion, seeking to Glorify God and deliver HIS truth, not ours. The true Christian knows we are fallen, knows we are sinful, and occasionally we all have a slip. The aim of the rebuke is not to condemn, but to restore. Nathan did not seek to destroy David for his iniquity (for Nathan surely knew only the LORD could do that), he sought to lead David back to repentance and assure him of the Love that God had for him ("The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. "). Thus, our aim should be for reconciliation, the restoration of relationship. If the heart of the one who wrongs us has become hardened to seeing the truth, pray for them. Seek to restore them in love and gentleness. Pray that the LORD may grant them repentance, that you might forgive them as the LORD has forgiven us. And when the rebuke falls back on us, remember it is out of the love God has for us that he rebukes us, and those who speak the words are but the messenger from God.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12-17)

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline
or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,
as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11-12)

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part V: My own faults

2009-05-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

The last few times, I've posted entries that are more diatribes. Today, I'd like to step off my proverbial soap box for a minute, and confess that it is quite hard to practice what I "preach".

How do we reconcile with those who just don't get it...don't realize how they've wronged us, or are just unwilling to repent of their faults?

Sadly, this has happened to me with a member of my own family. Let's just call her Nadine. Nadine has had a tough life. Unfortunately, a lot of her choices have left her in less then desirable circumstances. Thus, she often comes to the rest of the family seeking assistance. Without going into the details, though, it is the opinion of most members of the family that Nadine's requests are just burdensome and unnecessary. Thus, we have lost the desire to help her, often out right refusing to help her.

This often causes Nadine to lash out at us, saying we're ungrateful and uncaring. This lashing out upsets us, and thus makes us even less willing to help her. Then, a short time later, Nadine will call to say she's sorry, that she didn't mean it, to please forgiver her, etc.

The problem is, we don't believe it.

Because inevitably, Nadine just goes right back to the same behavior of begging, and then lashing out when she doesn't get her way. We see her apology as her way of trying to manipulate us into helping her.

Lately, Nadine's problems have become much more serious. There's no question she really is in a jam. What's hard to determine, however, is how much is brought on by her own behavior (which we don't want to condone) and how much is just rotten luck?

As she comes to me asking for help, I find myself IMMEDIATELY saying no...and a hard "no" at that. This of course upsets her, causing her to say what a rotten uncaring (and unChristian) person I am. Then I say to myself this is just more of her behavior/manipulation, etc., etc. until such time and we have both drawn lines in the sand and have refused to speak to one another.

I find myself absolutely torn...on one hand, Nadine's behavior is so reprehensible I don't want to condone it by giving in to her demands...on the other, I want to help a family member and be compassionate.

Unfortunately, the way Nadine attacks us, trying to reconcile with her is in effect giving in to her demands. We are, simply by offering the peace branch, giving her what she wants (attention and sympathy).

How do you reconcile with someone like this? Offering peace just encourages them to continue to act the way they do.

In pains me deeply, and hence why I've started this blog. I've lost many a friend over the years by how I've treated them, and the lines they've drawn in the sand sadden me immensely. Now I am drawing those same lines in the sand with my own family. How can I in good conscience expect my old friends to reconcile with me, if I am unwilling to reconcile with my family? I've become the unforgiving servant.

I do pray to God that he give me wisdom...grant me knowledge in how to handle this family crisis as he would. What course of action would give Him glory? What options haven't we considered? What other ways might I offer assistance? Is there another way to be compassionate without being asked to give?

So please believe me when I say I understand it's not always easy to reconcile with someone. Emotional scars, baggage, they all prevent us from coming to the table. They last, and they sting. But Christ has commanded us to reconcile (Matthew 5:24).

So I pray. I seek God for his Wisdom. I ask him that as I write this blog, as I read these books, and most importantly as I ponder scripture that his Will be revealed. And most importantly, I confess to him that I do not always live like I should. That I do not forgive as he has forgiven me.

And I pray that he changes my heart to conform to his Will, which he has done, is doing, and will continue to do, of this I am sure. :)

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part IV: What we're teaching (and why it's wrong)

2009-05-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

When it comes to reconciliation, our society today seems to devalue this all important process. We're taught to forgive without repentance, that relationships are disposable, if someone wrongs you to cast them aside and move on in life.

While this may seem beneficial for our personal sanity and well being, what is the danger of this mentality? Are there unseen consequences?

The other day I was listening to a radio spot, and heard an interesting conversation concerning divorce. It noted how our culture does not value marriage anymore, and divorce has run rampant. Now, the exact figures of the divorce rate aside, there is some credibility to what is being said here. We have made marriage a defunct institution. We co-habitate, and allow members of the same sex to wed.

Marriage is a unique covenant. A bond where to individuals unite to become one person in spirit.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24)

From the ESV Study Bible (Crossway 2008):
God's original plan for the human race, as indicated in his creation of Adam and Eve as husband and wife, is lifelong, monogamous marriage. Jesus affirmed this in responding to a question about divorce:

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female [from Gen. 1:27], and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ [from Gen. 2:24]? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:3–6).

In this reply Jesus rebukes and corrects a first-century practice of easy divorce for trivial reasons. For example, the Mishnah said, “The school of Shammai say: A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her. . . . And the school of Hillel say [he may divorce her] even if she spoiled a dish for him. . . . Rabbi Akiba says, [he may divorce her] even if he found another fairer than she” (Mishnah, Gittin 9.10). Rather than entering into this debate among rabbis, Jesus first affirms God's original plan for marriage and shows that it remains God's ideal for all marriages.

and

Many of the first-century rabbis expanded on Deuteronomy 24:1–4, using it to justify divorce for many reasons, even trivial ones (see above). This fact lies behind the remainder of the exchange between the Pharisees and Jesus in Matthew 19:

They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (vv. 7–9).

Ok, so we see a clear biblical mandate that divorce is not condoned in the Bible. And we see that marriage is a covenant which brings two distinct individuals together and joins them in such a way as they become in effect, one person.

So what does this all have to do with reconciling with our friends, or family? They are not our spouse, and we are not bound to them in the same way. Why all this talk of marriage?

It is because, the way we approach friendships, relationships, ultimately teaches us how we are to approach the marriage covenant. Our marriage partner will become a part of us, just as our friends form a small part of us. Every person we meet, that God ordains into our lives, leaves some small portion of themselves on our hearts. How much more so our spouse? Afterall, the best marriages seem to be the ones where the partners refer to themselves as best friends.

The God Head, the Trinity, is unique...three distinct persons, all sharing the same character and being of God. It's a hard concept to grasp. They are forever bound in perfect love and unity with one another. However, God in his perfect wisdom, has given us a glimpse into that unique love by instituting marriage. Through two distinct persons, we can become one in love and unity. In our imperfect and fallen world, we get a taste of the deep, overflowing, and unfailing love of the Trinity.

And that love is so deep, so unfailing, that when we broke the covenant with God and fell from Grace, he sought to reconcile with us. Although we are wholly to blame and have no right to be in the presence of a Holy and Just God, he sought to find a way to reconcile with us, to still find communion with us, out of the overflow of the love that exists within him.

This is why, I think, divorce is not condoned by God. God wants communion, reconciliation. Divorce is a separation from that. It takes that unified flesh and rips it apart, breaks it. Thus, we tear apart, tear from, that love God has for us. Afterall, in the end we (the church) will all be married to Christ (Revelation 19, 21 & 22) We lose something of our communion with God in the process.

So when we teach that friendships are expendable, that we are to cast aside those who mistreat us, forgive without reconciliation/repentance,

etc, we devalue marriage. We teach that when the going gets tough (as I often hear it does in marriage), it's best to pack up and move on.

"But what about _____"? I'm sure there's questions out there. The friend who just doesn't get it. The person who persists in hurting us. The sibling who apologizes and then repeats the same mistakes. Etc. Etc. Folks, it doesn't matter! We must first check our own hearts (discussed in Parts II & III). For in a human relationship, it is NEVER one sided. Both parties are always at fault. If we run at the first sign of difficulty, we neglect to confess our own sins in the friendship/relationship. We teach selfishness. We devalue our preparations for marriage. This is why we should ALWAYS reach out to reconcile with one another. Because then we are living in the unity and love that is the Trinity. If the other party isn't repentant, PRAY for them. Pray that God will open their eyes & heart and show them how they are to be reconciled. But always, ALWAYS seek to reconcile, even if the friendship isn't to continue (at least in the near term).

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part III: Step 1 - Reconciling ourselves to God

2009-05-14T07:40:00.001-07:00

In order for reconciliation to begin, we must first recognize one very important fact: Man is the likeness of God. Thus, what we do to our fellow man, we do to God.

"In the beginning, God created...Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness'. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;male and female he created them. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good."
Genesis 1:1,26-27,31

"But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." Colossians 3:8-10

"Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’" Matthew 25:45

So, man is in the image of God, and thus what we do to our fellow man, we do unto God. Thus, when we sin, we do not just wrong our brother or sister, we wrong God. We rack up a list of offenses that would make the most hardened criminal cringe!

But many would say, Christ died for us, that we might be spared God's wrath. While this is certainly true, it does not restore relationship! God may no longer be angry with us, but the truly glorious aspect of his love is that not only does he commute our sentence, he seeks to allow us to be in his presence yet again!

"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." Romans 5:8-11

"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;" 2 Corinthians 5:18

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you." John 15:12-14

Thus God has given us this great gift. We have transgressed his laws. We have broken the covenant that he made with us. Thus, the most holy and righteous being in the universe is justified in casting us off forever, to break relationship with us, to never want to have anything to do with us again. Yet, in his infinite love and mercy, He has chosen to restore relationship, to reach out to his fallen and imperfect creation, that we might be in fellowship once again with Him. He desires to be our friend once again. Yet, even with the debt paid, we are fallen, imperfect creation that can not be in the presence of so holy and just a creator as the Lord GOD.

What must we do to receive this gift of reconciliation then? Our LORD and savior Jesus Christ put it succinctly:
"Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

Thus we must come to understand that God sent his Son to die on our behalf, to pay the debt we so justly deserve. Not only that, but that through Christ's righteousness, we are imputed righteousness, that we might be seen as holy and just in God's sight, and thus be restored to relationship with Him.

But so what? What does this mean to me, who has been offended by my brother, who was wronged by my sister? Have they not hurt me? Have they not wronged me?

In the movie "Fireproof", Caleb (Kirk Cameron) is having a conversation with his father. They are at an old outdoor camp church site. The conversation is about the failing marriage Caleb is going through, at which point the father asks:

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you've done the last 20 days?
Caleb Holt: No! And you'd think after I washed the car, I've changed the oil, do the dishes, cleaned the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude. But she doesn't! In fact, when I come home, she makes me like I'm - like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, Dad. That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks, I have bent over backwards for her. I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?
John Holt: [touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question.

You see, this is profound insight! We are constantly guilty of rejecting God. All the good he has given us. The chance to be reconciled to him! And yet we constantly disobey him! We neglect to give Him glory that is due him, to worship him as he has called us, and we constantly wrong our brothers, his very image! And yet he CONTINUES to reach out to us, to show us value in His eyes, to demonstrate that He cares for us. Yet we continue to proverbally "spit in his face". He continually shows us love, even when we "don't deserve it". What love! What grace!

And how has he shown us this love? Through the life and death of Jesus Christ. You see, God Is. He is Holy. He is perfect. By all accounts, if he were to come to creation, he would be worthy of the greatest throne, the biggest palace, the largest legion of adoration and respect. He would be a king's King. Yet, when he DID come to creation, how did he choose to come? MEEKLY! He chose to be born (as opposed to manifested), to suffer the humiliation of poor parents, suffer the growth and pains of being human, to be mocked, ridiculed, insulted, despised. He was cast out of towns, chased out, overwhelmed at times. He lived but a short time (about 30 years). His own followers had trouble trusting or believing him. They even betrayed him. Then, he was martyred. He was beaten, flogged, whipped, tortured and mocked. He was nailed to a cross and fed vinegar. Yet he offered forgiveness to those that crucified him (Luke 23:34)! Can you begin to imagine if your friend treated you this way? If you had the power to remove all the hurt from your friend's life, and he still treated you so disrespectfully, would you be so quick to forgive?

So God wants relationship with us so badly that he's willing to HUMBLE himself to the lowest of the low, that we might be restored in relationship with him. Almighty God, who deserves a King's banquet, instead eats the crumbs of a pauper.

If God is willing to do this for us, should we not in turn spread this gift to our fellow man? Consider the parable of the unforgiving servant:
“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:23-35)

Thus, when our brother comes to us seeking forgiveness, we are to grant it, as God has granted it to us. Hence the first step of reconciliation begins not with the one who committed the offense, but within the heart of the one who was offended.

This does not negate the process of reconciliation. Just because we open our heart to the process, does not mean reconciliation will occur. However, it can not occur unless our hearts are open to it. And as I hope to have demonstrated, our hearts are commanded to be open to it. It is an effort we must make, in gratitude for the gift God has given to us, a gift we do not deserve. But we must recognize that God has given us this gift. For we can not give what we do not have.

So before we hold judgment against our brother/sister, let us examine our own hearts and reconcile ourselves to God, that we might be able to give the love that he has first given us.

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part II: Anger and Hate

2009-05-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

Before I contemplate forgiveness, mercy, compassion, etc. any further, I thought it appropriate to dwell on the issue of anger and hate. Afterall, the greatest impediment to reconciliation is lingering anger, bitterness and hate.

So what exactly is hate? Websters definition is simply:
intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury

I think that last part is the key...a sense of injury. A wise man once told me, we hate because we love. If Joe Dokes insults us on the street, we don't hate him the same way we'd hate a close friend who did the same thing. In order for hate to be present, we must experience some sort of love first.

Now I'm sure there's those of you who say you can hate without love...take Hitler for instance. However, man is created in God's image. Thus, inherent in our very make up is a love for our fellow man. Do you hate a wild animal for behaving like a wild animal? No. Because it simply doesn't know how else to behave. Yet, our fellow man is created with God's law on his heart (Romans 2:15), and thus, when someone, ANYONE acts in a manner contrary to that, we hate because we expect God's love to pervade, even if we don't recognize it as God's love.

So in order for us to hate, we must be hurt. Our love for our fellow man must be offended.

Our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ spoke to the issue of hate. In Matthew 5 (5:22), He states:
"But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire."
Even God recognizes that we will be angry with our brother from time to time...more on this issue in another post. :)

So, when it comes to reconciliation, we must recognize that anger, hate, bitterness; all these flow out of love. If we can recognize that to hate, we must first love, then we may take the first steps to restoring and reconciling relationship. The deeper the hurt, the deeper the love that must have been there.

What about "falling out of love". Is that possible? I would argue not. Is it possible that hate and hurt grow to such a level that love is snuffed...absolutely. If we allow anger to rule in our hearts, then the love of the Spirit can be quenched. But if we recognize this failing, this sin of our fallen hearts, then we can fight against hate, and let love grow once again. That does not mean a relationship is restored to its former state...true love is a growing process. Sometimes things must, and do change. However, that does not mean relationship can't be restored, just not in the same way it was before. Sometimes this means a new, better relationship, and sometimes this means peacefully moving on and wishing the person the best in life. But relationship is still there none-the-less.

So perhaps the first step of any reconciliation is the most paradoxical. We must recognize hate. We must accept it. We need to realize the anger within our own offended hearts, and perhaps this is where true reconciliation begins, when we (the offended party) admit our own fault of anger and become the first to repent and apologize. It's hard to accept this when someone's offended us, but if we're not willing to come to the table and offer our own apology, how can we ever show the Love of God to them by restoring and reconciling relationship to them?

Afterall, in his wrath and disgust in sin, God so loved us (John 3:16) that He gave the greatest gift to Mankind...the chance to be reconciled to him, and he gave it by being humiliated, cursed, beaten and disgraced upon the cross (Deut. 21:22-23). God was willing to humble and lower himself, even though WE were the ones who wronged HIM, that reconciliation might be possible, if we would just accept it. How much more so should we humble ourselves to our fellow brother, when we BOTH bear responsibility in hurt to one another?

Thoughts on Reconciliation - Part I

2009-05-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

My heart has recently been moved to consider and ponder the concept(s) of reconciliation, forgiveness, apology, contrition, etc.

There is of course far more to this topic than I can simply put in a single note, and as I ponder the topic, much more will be added to my thoughts in time...so this posting will be the start of a new blog.

My first set of thoughts is this...as a society, we have lost the art of communication and reconciliation. We find that relationships are disposable. Have a problem with someone? Write them out of your life and move on. Don't look back. Someone offends you? Cut them off. Spouse wrongs you, divorce them. If a relationship takes work, it isn't worth having the relationship.

To compound this thought process, we're taught to forgive without apology. We're taught (especially Christians) to forgive regardless of whether the other person is repentant or not, and even if we forgive, that it doesn't mean a relationship must be restored.

Yet as I've pondered these issues the last few days and weeks, I'm failing to find solid biblical evidence to support these viewpoints. Christ commands us to forgive "as your Father has forgiven you" (cf. Matt 18:21-35) -- sorry, can't find the specific verse I'm thinking of...maybe it's a translation issue? But God doesn't forgive us without repentance. We must own up to our faults and mistakes. Only then can a relationship be restored.

***Matt. 6:14–15 forgive others. Jesus reemphasizes the importance of forgiving others, indicating that there is a direct relationship between having been forgiven by God and the forgiveness that his disciples of necessity must extend to others. As in v. 12, forgive your trespasses here refers to restoration of personal relationship with God, not to initial justification (cf. note on v. 12). (ESV Study notes, 2008)***

Indeed, God the Father does not just willy nilly forgive all those who sin. We must come to him with contrite and repentant hearts. There must be an apology included, and an effort to turn and leave that which causes us to sin.

God doesn't just forgive. He seeks to restore a relationship. He provides a means of reconciliation.

In the human sense, we are to mimic this behavior. Numerous biblical scriptures point to not only forgiveness, but reconciliation as part of that process. The prodigal son. The book of Philemon. Jesus's teaches on anger (Matt. 5:24). Not only are we to forgive, but also to restore a relationship with the person who has wronged us.

In the coming days and weeks, I will be reading several books on reconciliation/apology/and

forgiveness. As I delve into these books, I will continue to post thoughts on this topic. Feel free to leave comments as you read these postings.

We are human, and we are fallen. It's easy to stand here on my soapbox and say "restore and reconcile". It's always much harder to do in person. I too am guilty of this! How do you forgive someone who shows no signs of true repentance? Is simply saying "I'm sorry" or "Forgive me" enough? How much of an effort to restore relationship should we make, and how much self-sacrifice as part of that should we initiate?

Keep tuned for more thoughts on these and many more questions!